Complete failure

I went out and bought some items I could kill myself with, I was feeling so light and relaxed. There’s no need for worrying that I’m going insane anymore. No therapist, no medicine, nobody knows, and I’m ready to do it, i was ready to do it. 5 days left.

It’s so obscure, it’s so funny. The store on google map had a status of “open from 9-7”, yet it was closed when I went there, permanently. I looked through the scratched glass coated in a fume of wood chips and dust, it was all grey. Last time I walked pass it it was open, fully stocked, ready for any customer’s attempt of suicide.

this website doesn’t allow method sharing, however I had a painless method figured out. The last time I went there-why didn’t I go in? It was so easy.  Everything’s interrupted, I have to order some online. It won’t come on the day I plan to die and the work that I imagined will be gone. I had my mind set up, at last, isn’t it funny? Just because of a closed shop, everything, everything. I don’t want to go for the second plan, nobody wants the second plan, everyone just wants to die in peace. It’s selfish, it’s too much to ask for. I keep talking to myself and I look crazy, I told myself that it’ll all be over. It’s so funny, as if I’m in some sort of dark comedy, I wasn’t shocked, I didn’t feel anything, yet the little banner on the door pushed me out of the perfect ending, the only ending. Nothing ever goes my way.