we’re all going to die one day. i look at my future and know that one day i’ll die. my existence and sufferings in this world will end and years into the future even the evidence that i existed will be gone. so like, what’s wrong with just doing it now?
i hate that this puts a low viewpoint on my friends but i genuinely think they’ll be fine after im gone. recently someone i used to be extremely close to, but then had to cut off, died and all i felt was guilt and then apathy. they’re no longer part of this world, but i hate to say i wasnt sobbing and groveling on my knees after hearing that. and it just made me feel worse.
but then it made me think about how it’s not so bad when people leave. so what’s stopping me from leaving. most of my friends usually don’t reach out to me first anyways, so it’ll take a while for them to notice i’m gone. and even if i am gone, what effect on them will my absence actually have. why am i even trying so hard to be here if my absence won’t even matter