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This is the end.

by emptyfeelings48

Today is going to be the last day of my life. I’m tired of this place and all the stress im given each day. I just wanna say thank you to my friends who have been there for me. Don’t be mad at yourself. You couldn’t see through my fake smiles, my masks. I doubt any of them will read this. I just can’t take this any longer. The stress of all the shit i have to go through. I don’t want to go through a living hell just to die one day. It doesn’t make sense so. I can’t take it!!


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bluefairy 10/17/2020 - 12:55 am

Life is stressful.
Everyone and everything in the process of being born or slowly dying.

There are two types of happiness according to the January-February issue of SHAPE magazine:
hedonic (something that makes you happy like fresh flowers) and eudaemonic (something fulfilling like volunteering) and it takes focus to feel good enough to be there for others.

The article goes on to say people feel gratitude without noticing, first snowfall as an example and to take a few seconds to stay with the feeling.

This is sort of what I can make of meditating, that it’s not all floor pillows and dragons blood candles but identifying small actions -i’m singing happy birthday, I’m washing my hands- and appreciation of things in life without saying their names.

Right now there are so many animals in shelters wishing for a human.

It’s peoples jobs to help, and that’s just it.

I believe Covid-19 is taking its toll and there’s never been a better time to treat food as medicine.

Apologies if this comment is a bit disjointed. I can email you that article.

Yoges 10/17/2020 - 3:10 am

I hope this comment is not too late. Quite clearly you’re in extreme pain to mark this day as your last. I can only offer my heartfelt sympathy, but are you sure about the title of your post tho? Even this might not be the end. May I suggest you give Bardo Thodol a quick read before you act on your plan. Who knows, it might give you a reason to put a few things in order before you decide to leave this world (assuming it’s possible to just leave like that)

Yoges 10/17/2020 - 3:17 am

But anyway, if you aren’t interested in scriptures, if the book makes you sick or bores you, I’m sorry I pushed that. Didn’t mean to preach. Wish you peace, farewell.

mountaingoat 10/17/2020 - 1:54 pm

Bardo Thodol is also called Tibetan book of the dead.

Buddhist religion says after death and before your rebirth, you abide in an in-between state very similar to the dream state of consciousness we all know from sleeping.

A bunch of things happen, some pleasant some frightening, but it keeps saying over and over again to realize these phenomenon as manifestations of your own mind. If you can do that, you’ll liberated.

I’m sure that’s easier said than done.

emptyfeelings48 10/18/2020 - 5:47 pm

Yeah so for those who care I’m not dead. I decided other wise seeing as how many people I would hurt. This past few weeks I have noticed I’ve been pushing everyone away and it’s probably for the best

ivygradhc 10/18/2020 - 10:08 pm

I watched a podcast recently made by a person who survived a major attempt that should have been successful but for some quirk of nature it wasn’t. The one item which struck me was he said he would have stopped if someone at that last moment had shown some sort of caring or understanding while he was going to the place to carry it out. I have been close to carrying out attempts a few times and maybe I did find that person along the way. I didn’t cry out for attention to those close to me or in general. I just got to the ER or my therapist and let them know I am in a very dark place. I hope you find that person. Yes, things go up and down but I have remembered that the times I was down they seem to have gone up afterwards.

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