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Today started off good, until I learned a good friend of mine was killed.

by Her0Reb313

Today I woke up with an ever so slight hangover, and all I could think about was a meeting I was to have with a boxing commission (Job related).  I reluctantly proceeded with my morning routine.  Drying my clothes, breakfast, shower, then getting my gear ready for work.  I was more anxious about the idea of being late to work and for my meeting than anything.  The morning felt rushed, I was multi tasking doing 5 things at once just trying to get out the door in time for my hour long morning commute to work.

I slammed the door behind me and I heard the ding and felt the vibration from my pocket as I was hustling to my car with all of my crap in my hands.  I remember feeling too anxious to get on the road to check my phone, so I tossed it on the passenger seat and hit the pedal to the metal.

For some strange reason I just suddenly hit this wave of emptiness.  A crow flew across the road ahead of me and I started to think about funerals, and how I buried my grandma, aunt, cousin, and a good friend all within 2 years.  I caught the phone lighting up on the corner of my eye.  I already had the weary thought of checking it for some reason.  I check my phone and notice it’s a text from a cousin of mine.  All he says to me is “Hey what’s up guy idk if you know but Jakes funeral is Wednesday”

I read the text over a couple of times and my brain went into logistic mode.  I went over all the Jakes I knew, calculated how and or why he of all people would be telling me this (he’s somewhat of a hermit, but his brother knows the same Jake I did).  So I asked and got confirmation that it was the only Jake I knew.  It’s like my brain was wishfully trying to debunk this notion that MY friend Jake was dead… gone forever.

I was driving to work in complete silence where I would usually be listening to music or podcasts.  I felt empty and all I could think about was Jake.  How did he die?  Did I dare ask?  Did he commit suicide?  I know he and his girlfriend had broken up recently, and that they had a newborn baby about a month prior.

My meeting no longer was a worry in my mind.  I could give a shit less if I was late or not.  I just couldn’t wrap my mind around that Jake was dead.

I decided while driving I would look on local news posts online.  I found an article that was published in a paper about 40 minles from my town about what happened.  From this article I found out that I was hearing the news 5 days after my friend was killed, and that his Wake was starting the day I was heading to work.  I also found out that he was murdered in his home… he was shot 10 times..  I just seen him 2 weeks ago.  I was at his house and I talked with him for about 20 minutes about random stuff.  It’s an ongoing investigation so there are many questions gone unanswered.

To be honest, I haven’t been able to talk about this with anyone.  I think i’m just at a point that i’m still trying to wrap my head around it.  It’s like I keep telling myself, “Your friend was murdered”.  But I can’t really grieve… I’m just fixated on the fact and I just get this feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I don’t know if it’s sadness.  I haven’t cried.  I haven’t reached out to anyone.  I don’t know it’s if it’s rage but i’ve found myself thinking about what i’d do if ever I found out who it was who killed my friend.  He was a good man.  I don’t know why anyone would ever do that to him.
———–
I love you Jake.  I’m lucky to have known you for the short time that I had.  Those little conversations that we had won’t be forgotten.  I’ll miss you.  Goodbye.

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2 comments

Abnormal.Thoughts 10/13/2020 - 8:34 am

I’m so sorry. 🙁

Her0Reb313 10/15/2020 - 2:24 am

@Abnormal.Thoughts.

Thank you.

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