Is about to push me over the edge. In the past 8 years from my most suicidal to now, I had several years of long phases where I was fine. This year though is all kinds of twisted. I don’t even wanna live anymore im running on auto pilot. I just want something to kill me cause I don’t have the balls do it myself anymore. I just can’t. It doesn’t get better, I thought it did but its all one sick game and I’m never gonna get to relax. I’m suffocating mentally…why can’t I just suffocate physically. I’m over this. Goodnight.