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by Jhecev

It’s not going well. I’m in a loop. I’m unhappy no matter what choice or path I go on. It’s all about money and work. It’s just super painful. Like unbelievably painful. It’s either mental or physical. My back hurts so bad everyday. I constantly think if suicide and bad things all the time. I can’t take it anymore. It’s not healing. It’s just constant pain and it’ll never go away. I’ve played the lotto. Probably just another scam from the upper class. I am so insanely hateful and bitter. I worked so so hard and got nothing and people who don’t serve a purpose just get all this and that. I’m basically a bad person now. I was Good and then learned and slowly became bad angry and awful. It’s like I’m a nazi or something. If you don’t work super hard like I had to then you don’t deserve to live. It’s just my morals. Guess I’ll just sit around then. Have it your way. I’m constantly angry and suicidal everyday. Your welcome for sharing. It’s contagious because I’m right or something. Ahh something inside me is still there. Just a little bit some times. I’m so sorry for everything. Me the world, everything. I wish I could help out really do. I don’t know how to. Stay safe. Take care. One of these days man one if these days. I read a indicator of suicide was giving away everything you have and saying goodbye. Welp it’s all gone. To a good cause. I am improving myself so that maybe people will remember me as something better than I really was. Idk I’m so scared. Nobody cares. You just aren’t there I get it and all because I’m no different. Idk man idk. Stay safe. The answer is out There. Make good and healthy choices.

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5 comments

postalservice 11/21/2020 - 11:45 pm

If a bad person did something generous to make my day a bit easier, just meeting me, I would’ve felt better and never guessed they did something so horrible.
People are constantly going through changes in their own story. If you were horrible to someone, or just everyone, just do kind things and you’ll feel uplifted.

Jhecev 11/22/2020 - 3:59 pm

I never really did anything wrong to anyone. Maybe there are a few things I regret but nothing jumps out. I’m just hateful in general because I think I should be. Everyone is just constantly asking for their lives to happen and instead of working something out they use force. Not really the individuals fault. But yes it is. I feel like I’ll never have friends or stable relationships because I just seem them as an abuser because they are. So am I really. They just call me a Hypocrite. Idk I wanna farm and eat and camp. But they use force to work me and this and that. Fucking hate them and the people doing this to me. Most people fall in love with their captor. Not a lot of options. Maybe one day I’ll have gotten over it. I am a hypocrite after all.

postalservice 11/21/2020 - 11:48 pm

And yeah, lottery tickets……… are well thought out pieces of satire.

visual eyes 11/22/2020 - 12:14 am

It will All be ok…. Just take some time to feel like utter shit if you need to. I think the world will always be hard to take on; unless we {ALL} decide to take matters into our own hands.

We are all fucked in a sense, but we are all capable of change.

Is there anything you find relaxing to do? Or something that even feels like you’re contributing to the change you want to see?

Jhecev 11/22/2020 - 12:29 am

I respect the workers. The famers, truckers, food workers, factory, lumber, construction, the list goes on and on. I really like all this stuff and I’ve done everything. It’s just my back and my mind. It hurts so much I just cannot keep up. It’s too much pain. Love the workers and the work. Wish I could just do it like one or two days a week and pay my bills. Idk so sad. I’m glad I worked hard. I forgive myself for being angry about not being able to afford food and shelter. I’m right. Maybe I am mean and bad now but seems understandable to me. Oh well. Really I’m nice but with time I’m always screwed over because of course. Yeah oh well. I’ll keep on for a little while longer.

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