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All Roads Lead Out.

by Shephard

Three years.

That’s how long I’ve been away from home. Part of me will always remain in NZ – but right here, across the ditch, I’m right where I should be.

As a person, my emotions no longer dictate how I carry myself. Logic is what guides me in all that I do, yet what I feel in the world around me is what helps me stay true to myself. In my line of work there’s a severe shortage of empathy – of people who do give two hoots about those we support and the work that we perform. Rather than end up like the rest of those morons; I choose to do what needs to be done. No matter the cost.

The first client I ever “grew attached” to invited me to a client function where there were drinks and food aplenty at one of Sydney’s most exclusive joints. They’ve continued to look after me ever since, and I’ve always got a desk at their office.

Another client put on a little surprise party for my birthday last month, complete with decorations and a cupcake. The outpouring of love and generosity was humbling to say the least. That same client insists on buying me lunch whenever I show up at their clinic, too.

A couple of weeks back once I’d finished work, I sat down with one of the main contacts at an important company of mine – what should’ve been a ten-minute debrief ended up being a three-hour conversation on our personal life stories. The conversation flowed with an eeriely natural pace, our eyes studied each other intently. That same client has entrusted me to look after her 20-odd staff during an important project whilst she’s away.

The work I do and the people I support gives my life meaning. But through it all… there’s still the darkness. Each day I have to let some light in, and yet I know that I can’t ever truly let the lightness shine all through that part of me. That dark place within me is what has helped form the empathy that makes me who I am.

Heck… the darkness is the most important part of me, I’d say.

No, I’m far from perfect. I still have a lot of growing to do, and a lot more self-reflection so I can understand myself better.

Of all the roads I’ve travelled, the ones from these past three years have led me to where I belong. I just have to keep walking forward… no matter the weather.

Are any of the old timers still around here? I’d rather not invoke any names but… you know who you are…

I’ve thought quite a bit about the time I spent here back in 2014-2015, the many friends I made, and the life changing events that took place. Whether I like it or not, this website and the people who make it will forever be a part of me. I just… I wish I could make amends with certain people from here, and even touch base with dear old friends.

Well, anyway, if you’re reading this – whether you’re someone from way back or a relatively new comer to this slice of paradise of ours – be well, and stay safe in this uncertain world of ours.


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Xiomara 11/10/2020 - 2:20 am

Hi Shep,

I was one of your old pals since the early days, and it’s probably been three years since we last emailed. Sorry about that. I had also moved to a different city and was working a lot, and drifted away from this site. Nowadays I check in every once in a while to see if anyone familiar shows up (or when I’m lonely, I suppose).

I’d rather not reveal my identity here, but if you feel like catching up, send me an email.

If not that’s fine, just wanted to say hello to an old friend. 🙂

(My former email address was in German and I’m a fan of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., if that’s a helpful clue, haha.)

visual eyes 11/15/2020 - 11:36 pm

I’m glad you are well and discovered your dark parts have such a purpose

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