I don’t see myself being around for another year (external reason I won’t directly mention here). When I see this topic mentioned in the media it just feels me full of dread. Again and again. I’ve been spending more time with my mum lately, as I know I don’t really have much time left. This isn’t a world I can be a part of. It’s not a world I can understand.
(If something drastic changes and I like the change, I’ll change my mind)
I should try pretending being really happy. Might make my days a very tiny bit easier. Even though I’m miserable inside and everything is just horrible.
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I don’t know if this helps but I will share. I take a walk along a river several times a week. It is the biggest one thing I do that somehow keeps my painful past from over running my present. For now at least.