I imagine I’m not alone in this but regardless of my mood or what is going on, I find myself thinking of how something might kill me, not in a paranoid way of being scared, but driven by a curiosity.
I recently read about a plant referred to as the suicide plant because the pain from touching it is supposed to be so bad that the victims would rather kill themselves than endure through it, to the point that horses even throw themselves off of cliffs. I wonder if that pain would be enough to make me do something drastic.
I have a small jar of mercury sitting around, this liquid metal is fascinating to play with; I wonder what it would be like to try and hold it in my mouth or if it would slip down my throat without swallowing. Though I’m pretty sure I don’t want to die that way.
I see an ad for some medication which has this list of warnings as always, this one mixed with some herb can cause your heart rate to drop dangerously low, how can I get my hands on that, it sounds peaceful.
I just take a walk and I consider whether a semi could hit me or if a cliff is high enough.
A little while ago I had a toothache and took one 10mg oxi which dropped my heart rate to the high 30 bpm range and just made me go to sleep, is that how an overdose might go because that’s not so bad.
I put a lot of thought into my chosen method because I want it to be peaceful, I want to believe it will work, and I thought it would be easy. Spoiler, goodbye is never easy.
Sorry about this random post. Lol