Freeze

Here it is again. I mentioned it earlier, but here comes the freeze. The time of year where I give up on everything and don’t move a muscle. Around this time I neglect everything and lose all motivation to do anything. It always happens around the last two months of the semester. I just feel like doing nothing. I have an assignment due by the end of the day and I’m not even a quarter done. I just don’t feel like doing it. I stare at it and stare at it, and I still feel like I don’t know what I am supposed to do. The thing is I feel no urgency about it. I feel no need to try. Yet I still stare at the problem in front of me and I don’t know why. It’s like there’s a part of me that refuses to just stop. Like it drags my deadweight corpse, struggling and panting the entire time. It takes a moment to rest every now and again, but then it gets right back up and struggles to move the other part of me along. If I really wanted to stop, I’d drop out. I’d quit college and just resign to being a failure. Probably apply for whatever job I could get and live the rest of my life doing it. But I don’t. I don’t know why, but I don’t. I was talking to some friends on discord about some stuff and the topic came to the election. A friend of mine mentioned how Biden doesn’t care about him or people like him because he contributes nothing to society. He dropped out of high school and now he plays WOW all day. Realistically, he is everything I am afraid of becoming. The way he made his life sounds, he made it out that he has no value. That he is nothing. But yet he seems happy. He seems to love being alive. Or it appears that way on the surface. Maybe he has a lot of hardships that I am unaware of. He seems like one of the happiest guys I know, but I don’t know everything about him. Regardless, it made me really sad when he talked down on himself.