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I have No hope left, And Nobody here to help me

by Im-Random

Hey, I’m 18 y/o I went through shit In my life I’m Muslim and Gay and Diabetic and Mentally ill and Unstable. Because Nobody Knows About my mental issues I couldn’t Go to a therapist, So I searched online for some test Wish. I found one wish Seemed Very Detailed, Professional and True It took between 20-25 min to finish it. I got the Results They were:

1-Majored Depressive disorder: 97%
2-Manic Episodes: 33%
3-C-PTSD: 72%
4-Generalized Anxiety Disorder: 94%
5-Panic Disorder: 44%
6-Panic Attacks:38%

I was a Bit shook I thought I might Get higher Results. I Had a “Boyfriend” well I thought He was. He only wanted me for sex I was Ok wish it as long as I can see him. I’m suicidal But I cannot do it Cause Its prohibited In my religion. I have to live Like this, I’m That kind of friend that Is good with everyone ever good with people who do me bad. I forgive people And I Keep my feelings Inside I don’t wanna make someone SAD because Of me, I want all of them to be happy even if it means I have to keep it in. That “BF” I told u about I had a Strong feeling for him I loved Him So mush I would Do everything for him Even though we didn’t talk that mush. I have problems In my family. My father Drinks And Always Screams at mom. When I was a Kid, I saw Porn In his Phone. I don’t know what was going on in my head when I saw that. My dad and Mom used to fight all the time, They think I’m this angle And I’m good and I know everything and I can take care of myself, But I don’t I always Thought That there is something wrong with me I have this person In me IDK If Its someone else or is it just me I would Talk with him and Fight With him over why Did I do that And That I won’t do it next time and I would beat him, He is called “Feelings” He used to make feel better by telling that I’m good and I’m smart and Get me motivated now When Ever I talk to him He makes me feel worst, I think a lot that’s what Led Me to Forget a lot. I actually forget things Fast REALLY FAST. I would sit Hating on the fact that “I’M GAY” I hate it a lot I never Had someone To love Me and If Someone DID he would prob be someone I meet Online and Not a real friend. People online Love me more than actual people, I told my best friend “That I’m gay” He said Things That Hurt My feelings But As Always I keep it in its like a system That automatically Hides my emotions. I saw things I didn’t wanna see I would cry If U scream at me, Never ever been Me I’m always What People think I am, To the point where I lost My real Me, I loved everyone Never talked about someone In his Back, Never Made someone angry, Never Fought With someone I can’t protect myself I’m weak, I always wanted to do things But I can’t Cause I don’t have enough support. I’m traumatized I would always fight myself Always I would Be talking with someone and as soon as he/she leaves The noise Comes back and the thoughts. I told people who I am And I wish I didn’t They hurt me But Still I can’t do anything I would just act as if They didn’t do

So Remember The Test I told U about at the beginning Well Iv Done It again But after 3 months and Look what I got (Even worst results):

 

1-Majored Depressive disorder: 97%
2-Manic Episodes: 63%
3-C-PTSD: 87%
4-Generalized Anxiety Disorder: 81%
5-Panic Disorder: 74%
6-Panic Attacks:71%

(This Is what I remember But there is more things then this)
EDIT: The Same Test But after like 6 months or something 06/02/2021:

1-Majored Depressive disorder: 100%
2-Manic Episodes: 100%
3-C-PTSD: 85%
4-Generalized Anxiety Disorder: 94%
5-Panic Disorder: 46%
6-Panic Attacks:40%
7- Bipolar DISSORDER (New): 100%

 

hope u guys safe <3

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2 comments

williscalvin 11/30/2020 - 12:29 am

You have hope enough to end your post with a message of hope. That says a lot about you. Thank you for giving of what you do have.

Im-Random 12/5/2020 - 8:48 am

thx <3

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