Not suicide related
I’m full of hatred, inside. Of course, I just hide it.
Clearly my neighbours have decided to hate me for no reason. That’s probably why my neighbour hides in his car (these units aren’t very soundproof) and makes calls about… us (me and mum) to others??? Right???
My other neighbour occasionally throws stuff over our fence.
My other neighbour tends to play loud music at night and has loud gatherings.
One of the other neighbours was playing ball in a patch field of grass and said ball ended up our yard a few times.
Small towns, you know? Everyone can just talk crap about you and there’s not a thing you can do. Especially not me because I’m a fucking pathetic poor renter on welfare right now.
I plan to depart next year sometime!
Overall I’ve been satisfied with what I’ve been able to experience in my short life. Maybe I’ll depart in two years, lol. I’ll just have to figure out what to do with my mum (I’m her part time carer). What do I keep saying though? Dying isn’t easy or so many more of us would be dead!
Don’t like where the world is going either, so that’s another factor.
Yayyyyyy…
7 comments
Are you a paranoid misanthrope? I operate (read “live”) under the watchful eye of a severe inferiority complex, so I know for a fact you’re laughing at me as you read this, and have learned to dislike our species. We’re bitches, like fighting squirrels. Neighborhood dynamics are interesting, if you can put up with the drama. Good to have your awareness of having had a decent life. It is something easily lost sight of, and somedays all you have.
I worry about alot. After all it only takes one wrong thing… Oh maybe my neighbours don’t hate me, they just don’t give a shit. Just like I don’t give a shit… or do I… why not worry, its realistic? How many things in someone’s life can go wrong? Soooooo many things!
Maybe I am a misanthrope, not sure about paranoid though, but I spend time looking at my yard, wishing it was more green (despite the fact that it hasn’t rained much lately). And the weeds. To be fair, the weeds were kind of there during last inspection which was around 3 months ago. Look I can pull all of them out despite there being a large amount, which will leave ugly brown dirt patches……… might go down the weed killer route, pulling out weeds isn’t my thing…
I didn’t laugh. I’m intrigued. Well maybe you’ll still think I laughed. I think people laugh at me all the time in their head.
Use the bad situation you’re in to motivate you to move to a better place. The first priority should be to find a decent-paying stable job. Anything you get will still bring in more money than you can get from welfare.
What if you disappeared tomorrow what would happen to your mother? Could you leave her by herself with the scummy neighbors around?
Hopefully your mother’s a pensioner, if not perhaps you can apply for benefits for her to bring in more money.
As for the neighbor making noise at night, just call the cops, that’s the easiest to solve and he’ll never know who called them and they could fine or jail him for noise violations.
Ask yourself where you’d like to be in a year or two from now. Sometimes it feels like we’re trapped and we escape our problems but if you work hard you will be able to.
Both my mom and I have been through rough circumstances, but over time we moved to better and better places. My goal is eventually to get us our own house eventually, I’ve been saving up.
If you are serious about ending your life then what becomes of your mother? I’d never leave my mother in any kind of nursing home (or by herself)-they can be terrible places, she’ll always stay with me until she passes away. Also as she gets older her memory and intelligence is diminishing so she wouldn’t be able to survive on her own.
If there are nice family members you can leave her with then that’d be a good thing. I hope you’re able to come up with a plan to improve your situation.
I understand what you mean by the “small talk” bad neighbors-apartment complex thing.
It doesn’t mean you hold an inferiority complex or paranoid etc.
I don’t suggest calling the cops. It could make gossip worse for you. I’d just be nice and ask in person. When you’re polite/smiling/ it usually works in your favor. Maybe the more friendly you are, the better it will feel as well.
One day, you’ll find a nicer place. Even with little resources, there are nicer complexes out there.
This is painful for you, but it won’t last forever if you take it one step at a time to change it…
Man I wish I could forget about my neighbours. I wrote this post as if I’m currently in a living hell. Ok so what if people talk about me, that’s just the nature of people to talk about others. It’s pretty boring here so what do I expect.
I’m not in a living hell really. I tend to catastrophize. Well I might be in a different kind of living hell which is not relevant to this.
I don’t show it but I’m anti social. You look at people and you just see… judge judge judge judge!!!
Ok, go and judge judge judge judge then!!!
Wtf am I even writing xD
BEING BORED IS THE LEAST OF MY PROBLEMS. I’ve got a roof over my head and food to eat. Something that a large amount of people (still) can’t get access to in this word. Fuarrrrrrrk.