just venting

Everyday i wake up feeling horrible  i have no one to talk to or hold me. i feel like there’s something just not right with me. i keep pushing my friend  away when they try to talk but its just because they feel pressured to and I Don’t want that on them. my family surely wont love me. i cant trust them since Im apart of the lgbtq theyll kick me out of the house or drop me in camp in a heartbeat. it hurts so bad. i have nobody to turn to. i tried telling myself that im the only one who can determine my happiness but i just cant seem to find any peace. i just want acceptance. I couldn’t even do it myself . i dont know how im still alive