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Not it

by Abnormal.Thoughts

I’m not the girl you fell in love with it the wife you wanted, I’m not the one you need.

You didn’t ask me to be your mother, I’m not even good at this. I wish I could be better and help you through all the struggles to come.

I’m not the daughter you raised me to be and I know you’re disappointed in me. You won’t say it, but you don’t have to, I know.

I’m not your friend, I’m not there for you because I don’t know how to be. You aren’t there for me, but maybe you’re just wise enough to know that I’m just a lost cause.

And here’s the last. The one meowing at me because we’re out of wet food treats and I can’t protect you either. I lost your friend and I should have known better.

I can’t succeed in this life. I wish I could just stop trying.

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visual eyes 11/15/2020 - 11:25 pm

I feel this deep in my bones… but… NO

I totally have thoughts similar to this. I have fucked up so many times and hurt others because of my particular “brand of crazy”.

You are enough. You may be struggling and in pain, but that doesn’t mean you are “less than” or “undeserving”.

Allowing yourself to believe all these things just continues the loop of utter shit… a loop I seem to constantly strap myself in for; a rollercoaster that nobody is in line for and is less than fun.

Do you have something you can do to take a break and stop for a minute?

visual eyes 11/15/2020 - 11:29 pm

I know All these people/animals you are apologizing to love you… and You probably spend a lot of time convincing yourself they shouldn’t?

I can relate to this post

Abnormal.Thoughts 11/16/2020 - 8:36 am

You’re right. I’ve rewritten this 4 times and every time it’s just another way of saying they don’t or shouldn’t love me. I just need to stop believing myself.
As for something to take a break, I try but my brain doesn’t shut off so it doesn’t really help all that much. It seems you understand this rollercoaster too.

Abandoned 11/15/2020 - 11:50 pm

“I’m not your friend, I’m not there for you because I don’t know how to be.”

You’ll always be my friend here for me or not. I understand you have your own struggles and we might not always be there verbally for each other but in our hearts we’ll always be friends. <3 🙂

Abnormal.Thoughts 11/16/2020 - 8:21 am

It’s interesting that someone I’ve never met can mean so much and be so important. I should clarify that this wasn’t directed you, you have been there for me anytime that I’ve asked. <3

Abandoned 11/16/2020 - 9:42 am

i didnt think it was, just thought id remind you 🙂 <3

Rainwatch 11/16/2020 - 10:08 am

The ppl u mentioned in this post ( including the cat lol) are lucky to have you, don’t be too harsh on yourself!

Abandoned 11/16/2020 - 12:50 pm

^ dudes right. youre awesome AT 🙂

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