Painful pleasures

I’m manic. I’m stressed. I’m letting toxic people back into my life. I’m living my best-worst life. Self sabotage is my speciality I think. I love to hurt myself in the best way possible. I let those toxic people hurt me and I let those toxic people walk on me. I get myself into situations where I know I’ll get hurt. And I love to do this to myself. I guess you could say it’s a painful pleasure. I don’t give a single fuck what others say, I do it anyways. It’s like everyone can scream at me “no” and I’ll keep going. And I love it.