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They always get my hopes up

by outinthedark

Why can’t people set proper expectations. Why. I wanted tonight to be fun. I really did. Then he had to work. And set the expectation that he could get off early. But no. Now he’s stuck till close and didn’t even fucking mention it till now. And I’m just so disappointed. It fucking just wrecks me. And it’s so stupid for me to be upset about this. But I really just can’t take it when he knows my plans won’t work out and keeps the expectation that it will. Why why why must my life be full of let down expectations. I’m done with this. I’ve tried so hard. I’m trying. But it never works. My whole life doesn’t work. It’s a mess. I gave myself till the end of the year to decide. I have 2 months left in this gray area.


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a1957 11/1/2020 - 7:07 pm

I had a friend that did this to me over and over, for years. It really hurt too. I could not change her and she would would not change it on her own. The passive aggression was something she was going to keep.
Eventually I just let her make all the plans. But that could only last so long.
My next move was I quit accepting her invitations while still never making any of my own with her.
The interesting part was that as I started doing more and more stuff on my own her requests simply conflicted with my scheduled events and of course I wasn’t the type to cancel on myself or others so she was pretty much off my calendar at that point. I said pretty much off my calendar because I did accept an invitation perhaps every few years for maybe a decade. Later I decided that there were some really good reasons not to be around her and that ended the face to face altogether.
I imagine you are talking about more than a friend here but yes, it sounds like passive aggression on his part and this will keep on bringing you misery. It is painful way of manipulating others, I lived it, I hated it. It is very painful to be manipulated this way.

Soda 11/1/2020 - 9:13 pm

No OP, it’s not unreasonable to expect people to live up to their word. You were looking forward to meeting with this person but they ruined your mood because they gave you false hope.

It is disrespectful of this person to make promises they can’t keep. We should always try to set realistic expectations or at least be honest with others about our plans.

I have one such friend in my group, he’s a rich spoiled brat who makes plans then breaks them or shows up really late. One time I wasn’t able to take my car and he offered to pick me up after work.

I called him early to make sure he’d arrive on time and surprise, surprise, he was more than an hour late and offered bs excuses, he’s just lazy, except when it comes to making money.

I should’ve just canceled on him at the moment and left but ofc I wised up and never took a ride from him again. He’s a laughingstock in my group, in fact that’s partly why we put up with him, since there is a comedic side to him as well.

Normally I would never keep someone like that as a friend but he’s a part of my group so I can’t do much about it. Bottom line is to not to waste any time on unreliable people, they’re really fake friends.

I realize things “come up” plans change and people do have legitimate reasons for being late or cancelling, but that should always be a rare occurrence. If it is a pattern then they either don’t value your friendship or are just unreliable, uncaring people in which case you’re better off without them in your life.

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