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Trying and Failing

by Abnormal.Thoughts

Up and down, here we go.
I don’t know why but I seem to lose everyone. I am not good at building or keeping relationships and I don’t feel like I’m wanted anymore.
My husband puts up with me, he’s too good of a person, he would never willing abandon our daughter, so essentially I’ve built this trap and now he’s stuck with me. It wasn’t meant to be like that.
My friends…. what friends? Even the person I considered my best friend for years doesn’t talk to me much since they moved. Maybe I’m overthinking this, they invite me places sometimes, but idk, everything feels like a superficial attempt at a friendship.
Even my best friend from childhood has abandoned me. They never call me and when I reach out to them they don’t have time. I have restrained myself from reaching out for over 6 months now and haven’t heard a peep. And we went through so much together. How do you just pretend that never existed?
I want to have close relationships, people that are part of your life and care about you relationships, but I don’t seem to get there, or I do and then I push them away.
Maybe I don’t give enough? Maybe my own emotional baggage is more than they bargained for? I don’t bring it up but maybe I’m giving off some kind of bad vibe?
I’m alone despite the people around me.

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3 comments

Rainwatch 11/3/2020 - 10:31 am

My experience has been family is all there is. Friendship is dodgy and precarious, I wouldn’t want to be in a position where I had to apply to a friend for help by virtue of the fact I know they wouldn’t give a fuck, that seems to be rule of the game for some reason. I’ll have a laugh and a joke with friends but that’s as far as it goes, family is what im all about. My policy with contacting friends is it has to be a two way street, there’s no way I’m gonna be doing the lion’s share of the contacting.

Abnormal.Thoughts 11/3/2020 - 10:52 pm

I love my family, yes, but I’m the black sheep and they aren’t the type to understand any of this.

niki 11/3/2020 - 11:55 am

I can relate too

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