I was going to be melodramatic about the whole thing, extend my description to include others. The fact is, I don’t have a clue what is going on with the rest of our species. I have ideas, but it can’t be proven, proof is the biggest act of faith and delusion of all.
I can’t prove that I was born any different than any other human larva. I was a hyperactive kid, a little introverted, who had the misfortune of being born into a society that needs something to be wrong with people that don’t enthusiastically engage with it. So, thanks to hours of therapy and the finest pharmaceuticals known to man in the 1990s, I was tweaked and hurt until I believed as well as anyone else that I didn’t fit, I couldn’t fit, and there was nothing about fitting that would be good for me.
Which brings me around to dopamine, the worst enemy you probably don’t know that you ever had. See, we in the west idolize success. We worship at the altar of productivity, and slave at the dream of perfection. Why? Because there has to be some meaning, we have to follow as we are conditioned, and we are conditioned from birth to push, and try, and strive. Yet we’ve never been happy with how hard a human can push themselves. Thus, we started playing with poisons. We discovered that some poisons in small quantities could make us feel really interesting, not need sleep, or sleep better. We’ve got a chemical for everything, including if we want to hallucinate.
All these things played on the chemicals that were already in the brain, but humanity is so much better at producing it in others. We hurt each other, and then when we really want to cause pain, we lift others back up again so that we don’t have to suffer alone. Selfish, or at least I am. I’ve dedicated my life to pulling more people into the painful net of what made me the way I am.
Because it’s the only way the pain can stop. See, I’ve experienced and I have seen that there are people that don’t hurt. They NEVER HAVE TO. Isn’t that special? Does it make your blood boil? It does mine. They dine on our suffering, they work us to death so that they can have fresh orange juice, and hot food on demand. Silly shit to torture others for, but humanity as I have already said escapes my capacity for reason.
So, when you see that hand reaching out for you, trying to pull you back in, remember that we’re all in the same bitter work; to force the face of the pain free in our pain, until they realize that no crime occurs in a vacuum, and the pain of one is the suffering of all.