Finally reached out

I put in a request for a mental health evaluation. I’m scared. I don’t wanna go into detail of how bad I am in fear of losing my kid. I make 98% of the income I can’t be put in inpatient cause we’d lose so much money. I’m scared to heal. I’m scared to adjust how I think and how I’ve lived. I just want to be dead. I don’t wanna feel anymore. I don’t know what’s happening. I just feel so empty. I’ve never been this bad in so long. I’m so tired and can’t sleep. I’m so exhausted physically and mentally idk what I’m doing anymore. I feel so alone. I just want it to end.