In particular sertraline (Zoloft). It worked great for exactly 3 days. Put me in a chill state of mind where I could still mostly function without the emotional paralysis of realizing how fucked life is. Basically it made me not give a shit about the big picture. On the 3rd day I started to come down. I upped the dose a bit (and the increase was later prescribed by the doctor) but I never got back to that awesome chill feeling of the first 3 days. For laughs I upped the dose even more. At a certain point, no effect at all…except now I was completely unable to function. Like if the doorbell rang, I had to struggle to figure out what to do, how to act, what to say. Even worse, I started feeling extreme paranoia, not about people trying to get me, but about random disasters that might happen. The roof might fall in. Or if someone didn’t respond to a text within an hour I convinced myself they were dead or dying in the street somewhere. This was excruciating. So I quit cold turkey. Returned to sanity a bit, even had a good day or two of clarity. But ultimately I ended up right back where I started. And this is intolerable.
So I’m thinking of getting back on sertraline just to see if I can get that 3 day high again. I’ll take what I can get. A few days of being a human being, then I’ll know to stop for a week or 2, then repeat. Does this sound good or at least logical? Has anyone self medicated in this way?
And of course that brings me to alcohol. Again they tell you no no no. But then reports show that 1 glass of red wine helps reduce stress and lead to longer healthier life. What’s with all these fucking conflicting messages? I figure nobody in the mental health care industry has a fucking clue what they’re doing, and we are their guinea pigs. So I’d rather go straight to the source: the patients, the depressed and suicidal guinea pigs, rather than some textbook written by dipshits who try to interpret what we’re going through. Bottom line: what works for you? Meds, alcohol, weed, recreational drugs? What works and how long does it last before you feel the backlash (since obviously none of us here are “cured”).