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Meds and alcohol round 3

by thebends

In particular sertraline (Zoloft). It worked great for exactly 3 days. Put me in a chill state of mind where I could still mostly function without the emotional paralysis of realizing how fucked life is. Basically it made me not give a shit about the big picture. On the 3rd day I started to come down. I upped the dose a bit (and the increase was later prescribed by the doctor) but I never got back to that awesome chill feeling of the first 3 days. For laughs I upped the dose even more. At a certain point, no effect at all…except now I was completely unable to function. Like if the doorbell rang, I had to struggle to figure out what to do, how to act, what to say. Even worse, I started feeling extreme paranoia, not about people trying to get me, but about random disasters that might happen. The roof might fall in. Or if someone didn’t respond to a text within an hour I convinced myself they were dead or dying in the street somewhere. This was excruciating. So I quit cold turkey. Returned to sanity a bit, even had a good day or two of clarity. But ultimately I ended up right back where I started. And this is intolerable.

So I’m thinking of getting back on sertraline just to see if I can get that 3 day high again. I’ll take what I can get. A few days of being a human being, then I’ll know to stop for a week or 2, then repeat. Does this sound good or at least logical? Has anyone self medicated in this way?

And of course that brings me to alcohol. Again they tell you no no no. But then reports show that 1 glass of red wine helps reduce stress and lead to longer healthier life. What’s with all these fucking conflicting messages? I figure nobody in the mental health care industry has a fucking clue what they’re doing, and we are their guinea pigs. So I’d rather go straight to the source: the patients, the depressed and suicidal guinea pigs, rather than some textbook written by dipshits who try to interpret what we’re going through. Bottom line: what works for you? Meds, alcohol, weed, recreational drugs? What works and how long does it last before you feel the backlash (since obviously none of us here are “cured”).


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Abnormal.Thoughts 12/2/2020 - 8:59 am

Yeah, the bad coping skills are used because they give some kind of temporary relief.
My preferred coping mechanism is a little weed, it just helps me to calm the hell down. I use it regularly but it loses efficiency and I need more for a mild high, so if I skip a few days I can get the effects back. It usually gives me 3-4 hours of calm unfocused peace.
Alcohol is similar but I don’t do that as often because I get sick as it starts to wear off even in small doses. The feeling is nice for a bit though. I’m not sure I get the same effect as most when I drink though.
Lastly is self harm, the high is very temporary and it takes more if done consistently, I have been doing better with this one.
I don’t take meds and from what we’ve all heard from the docs it’s not good to start and stop those.

thebends 12/2/2020 - 12:55 pm

Funny you mentioned self harm, but yes it works the same way as pills and alcohol, just a shorter high. The upside is no hangover, no withdrawal crashes. So I rate self harm as the best treatment so far. Also its free. 100% natural. As long as you dont care about scars and bruises and shit, it’s the dream remedy. Also it’s good practice for actual suicide.

I haven’t tried weed because I’m such a fucking shut-in that I wouldn’t know where to get it. What do you do, just walk down dark alleys til you see questionable types lighting up and flash some cash? lmfao

You’re smart for staying off the meds. Being totally serious, they are the worst option because they have long term unpredictable psychological effects. I wouldn’t doubt if my current suicidal phase is due to withdrawal from the sertraline I took 2 months ago. But it’s what society has deemed acceptable and I can get it delivered to my door from my local Walgreens. Aint life grand

Abnormal.Thoughts 12/2/2020 - 7:53 pm

Hahaha, I used to have friends of friends who hung out in dark alleys. XD Nowadays I just go to the dispensary about an hour away where it’s legal: It’s better than the street stuff I could get before anyways.
I wouldn’t rank self harm number one unless you can just step off and enjoy at any time, the effects are too short lived. I also don’t think it’s gett me any closer to what would be required to bleed out so not on my list of methods. Lol.

thebends 12/2/2020 - 10:23 pm

Good point, my self harm “high” only lasts a few seconds and then it’s replaced with disgust and self loathing so….. not exactly a miracle cure. Also it feels like it’s the most addictive because it’s so easy to do, and free.

I hope they legalize weed here soon, I honestly feel like it could keep me alive a few years longer. Sometimes just an occasional reminder of a “good” feeling is all it takes to stay sane.

duringmydarkestdays 12/5/2020 - 3:09 am

I used to follow a similar medicine regimen, take Sertraline continuously for a week or two, stop cold turkey for a few days. Got a similar type of high from it, when I felt floaty and relaxed. Do you feel sedated during that high?

Got to warn you, please don’t let it reach a point where you’ve destroyed your brain chemistry. Last year I stopped cold turkey, because it reached a point where I wasn’t taking the stuff so often. Must’ve accidentally tapered down.

Was comfortable, sane, and able to enjoy Prosecco on my birthday (never been able to tolerate alcohol on this med). Yet for stupid reasons, continued after 5 months off being medication free and lost myself.

Be very careful. It looks easy and is heaps of fun at first, but can screw you over.

thebends 12/5/2020 - 9:35 am

Thanks for this great info. I think it convinced me not to proceed with my experiment. At least not with sertraline. It’s that fear of “destroying my brain chemistry” that’s holding me back. Like with suicide attempts, I’ll stop short of methods that cause permanent damage if they fail.

Yea the initial feeling was very sedated, perfect word. But that feeling of paranoia and confusion I felt after the 1st week was a new hell I’d rather not visit again. And the thought of it becoming permanent is terrifying.

These new drugs (developed less than 1 lifetime ago) have unknown consequences. Researchers shove them down the throats of mice and rabbits and dogs and figure if nobody dies then it’s safe. But no human has lived long enough on this shit to tell what happens. My brain is fucked enough, I won’t push my luck.

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