thoughts

All i want is to stop being a nobody in my own family, the last priority. Is it too much to ask for people to thank me from time to time?

I feel quite hopeless today.

I can be an asshole sometimes, and even though I don’t ever misbehave on purpose, sometimes i just can’t stop myself on time. Every single day i try my best to act accordingly, to do everything that must be done and what is, now, expected of me. However, sometimes i simply lose it, and act out. I don’t know why i do that, i really don’t. But it hurts others just as much, if not more, as it hurts me. I don’t like to mistreat people, i really don’t. All i want and try every day is to keep everyone else happy, so whenever i act out even for just a second, i’m treated like im a monster. Like i always want to make everyone unhappy and upset. Why is that? I mean, i’m genuinely asking, i really don’t get it. I assume that i’m the problem here, since that’s the way it’s always been; i’m always to blame and i’m always expected to apologize.

I don’t know