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You suck again

by CARLOSPEJUAN
  1. I failed again. I have little time left to do the projects for english class and math, let’s not even talk about. I’m worried about me. Idk if I’ll ever succeed in life. I hate feeling this stupid. It makes me wanna cease to exist. I feel so stupid. I feel so wrong. I feel like a burden to society. I feel so unnecessary. But I feel like I have to keep on trying. Just in case there is a chance to make it, I position myself to take it. I’m so depressed right now. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I wish to someday be a geneticist do amazing things with my money and be an amazing person without selling hello from the devil. Is that too much to ask? I just feel so frustrated… Do dumb. Almost incapable seemingly irrational. Why must this be my present? Why must my past be so bad? Why am I here to suffer and be dumb
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4 comments

heartlessviking 12/12/2020 - 11:00 pm

Ah, I can relate. I too had high aspirations, yet, here I sit, in a posh gilded cage with little prospect of ever getting things I was really after. That’s adulthood bud; you can be as intelligent as they come, if you aren’t at the right place at the right time, life’s gonna buy you out, put you someplace just comfortable enough to wait out your remaining lifespan, and there you’ll be. Or maybe not, I really hope that what happened to me doesn’t happen to anyone else.

Humans are expensive to make. Our culture in the west really puts big money into children. I don’t particularly know why, but I do know that it is the cause of many of us older persons suddenly feeling worthless. We’re stuffed with this idea that we matter when we are young, that we can be anything. Then they spend the following decades trying to beat it out of you.

If you’re chasing money, that’s a painful road, and quite a few people are on it. Geez, all I wanted was enough for a decent acreage, and 12 years on I haven’t made as much progress as I’d hope. That’s just a few million, pocket change to the 1%. I’ve prayed for it, I’ve talked to people about it, and nope, still stuck in the city spinning my wheels. I get to visit people in the country now for work, so that’s a treat. If there is a supreme power in the universe, I imagine it gets a pretty big kick out of dangling what I desire most right in front of me.

The present is what it is. It is a linear outcome of where you were. The past is where you were, and is as unchangeable as a broken teacup can never be the same. The future? There’s some changeable nature there. Our culture doesn’t want you to get around to it. My point; keep pushing. Don’t settle. Fight this BS world until it gives you what you are looking for. Maybe you’ll die in the prospect, but at least you can do so with the pride of trying.

The fact is, not everyone gets what they are looking for. Plenty of men and women, good ones with great dreams and amazing love, never amount to a damn thing. That’s just it, we’re all damned here. The people who aren’t miserable? They LIKE it that way, how sick is that?

CARLOSPEJUAN 12/13/2020 - 11:54 am

Thanks for this. I’d love to talk more sometime

theo 12/13/2020 - 12:25 am

That’s so true^
Try growing up with a boomer! A real one!

theo 12/13/2020 - 12:27 am

“They beat it out of you”

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