endless cycle

I think everything is going OK, then I see ‘her’ pop up in my feed again. Then I abuse whatever drugs I can to ease the pain. To take my mind off the fact that the woman I’ve loved for the past 7 years will never love me, nor ever think about me, and that I most likely won’t ever see her again.

I thought I was going to die of covid when I caught it, because I am ‘clinically extremely vulnerable’. I thought after surviving covid, I wouldn’t want to die anymore. As usual, I was wrong.

I have friends, but I am the ‘invisible’ friend; the one that gets talked over, the one who doesn’t get to talk to people unless I initiate the conversation. I feel like I barely exist, like I’m barely human, and as time goes on I am only finding it gets worse.