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740 dollars

by soulless draug

All I’ve got to my name right now. No car, no home, nobody. Just 740 dollars saved up. Almost just want to throw it at some random person who’d actually do something worthwhile with it right now cause I won’t. Not with bouts of legit being out of my mind episodes and being low functioning.

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10 comments

Salt 2/27/2021 - 6:29 am

Can I paypal you 20 bucks? Obviously it’s a piddly ass amount which isn’t going to make damn’s worth of difference financially, it’s just the idea that someone in the universe wants to help.

For you it’s $20. For me it’s paying back a stranger who gave me 20 bucks years ago when I was at rock bottom. He told me Don’t pay me back, just pass it on to another stranger who needs it one day.

You can get my email by clicking on the Edit link next to this comment.

Idfk anymore, I'm just here I guess 2/28/2021 - 1:53 pm

Salt? You’re still here? Wow.

Idfk anymore, I'm just here I guess 2/28/2021 - 1:55 pm

Sorry, ended that comment with a wow cause I didn’t want it to seem like I was trying to squeeze a response out of you. Anyway…

Salt 2/28/2021 - 7:16 pm

Yeah, popped in to see what’s new in the world of the dying. I don’t recognize your username although the sentiment is too familiar. Who were you in a past life?

Idfk anymore, I'm just here I guess 2/28/2021 - 8:15 pm

I don’t quite remember who you knew me as. Thanatos? Or whatever? I come here every once in a while for stretches, don’t usually get too involved. I remember your username, not too much of your character, however.

Salt 3/1/2021 - 8:21 am

Holy crikey I remember you from way back. I guess congratulations are in order for both of us surviving. I ended up taking extreme measures and beating my demon (for now) and wanted to come back here to see if I can help out. I don’t recognize too many names though.

Idfk anymore, I'm just here I guess 3/1/2021 - 5:02 pm

Yeah there may still be a couple lurking from back then. Anyway, I was actually inching closer to finalizing the act, I’ve pretty much burned all my bridges.

elleInWi 2/27/2021 - 6:34 am

Im sorry youre in a rut right now. Me n my kids are homeless and living in a hotel right now. And u def got me beat, i only have $30 to my name right now. By your past posts i can see theres alot of pain and u questioning your self worth or belittling yourself. Please dont ever think of yourself like that. Youre so much better than that. Wish you had more people around u who could show you and remind you of all the good things youre capable of. ::hugz::

Soda 2/27/2021 - 12:48 pm

Ask yourself where you want to be 5 years from now. Being in your current situation sounds untenable, I’ve been in a similar place in my past.

It’s not much cash, but I’d suggest saving up-at least have $5k, preferably $10k set aside for car repairs (when you get one), moving expenses, covering yourself for rent when you lose your job and so forth.

There was a time I had almost no money and a crisis hit my family and I was completely unprepared. Through luck and hard work we pulled through but it was one of these worst points in my life.

From there I learned the valuable lesson of always having lots of savings and a job…this way you can ride out any issues in your life.

If you don’t plan to keep living then none of what I said here matters. You just need enough cash to pull off the ‘exit plan’ and give the rest to those you care about or whomever you prefer.

I’ve thought a lot about suicide and have even spoken to a couple of people who are close to me about it. While I wouldn’t want to lose them and I’m sure they feel the same way, we all will have to go some day.

Honestly at times I know it’d be so much better and easier for me to just end it. No more struggling, aggravation, bs of daily living, making ends meet, living with regrets/sadness, loneliness, getting older, etc.

Still I doggedly keep going with the hope that one day my ‘ship will come in.’ I am in a decent place today though still far from where I’d like to be, but I’m improving and I truly believe I’ll get there.

Even if I achieve everything I set out to do, I still plan to check out at some point. I don’t intend to wait around till old age and risk going senile, or end up with health problems that will keep me trapped in a terrible existence with no way out except waiting for my body to finally stop functioning.

Mf 2/28/2021 - 12:40 am

Try to figure things out when you’re not at your lowest. That amount of money might not sound like much, but you could make it last a little bit until you figure something out. I do wish you luck regardless of what you end up doing, but i’d definitely advice not throwing it at a random person.

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