I went to the ward again. My mother was so sad. I feel like I’m at least fighting for my life and I’m seeking help before it gets bad. I think it’s awfully that I made her cry. But what was I supposed to do? I’ve been researching methods and thinking about suicide a lot. I knew it was time to go back. I don’t feel suicidal at the moment. I feel hopeful. I just want to succeed. That’s all I want. I wonder why God is so against that.