How do I know that I want help?

Anorexics don’t ask for help. Narcos don’t really want to put down the drugs.
I know because I’ve been there.
I got a therapist for the first time and I barely told them anything, I thought that day was going to be a good one but after I came home and told them about it the day just fell on itself and I regretted everything.
I just want him back, he doesn’t. I want to stroke my hand down the plush clothing on his back. I want to die.
But I can’t, as soon as I put the poison in again the smell fills my nose and I can’t hold it.