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I feel so lonely

by Wisp

I wish I didn’t feel lonely. I just want someone to give me lots of snuggles. Physically. I need to get over my ex. I don’t want to but it’s not going to happen anyway. And I won’t get over him.

But I’ll never be able to snuggle him physically again anyway. What’s the point. And I think he doesn’t really want me anymore, anyway, and doesn’t like me because of…

I wish I had…
I’m just really really really really feeling lonely right now.
But nobody would want me in any way (I don’t even mean a relationship)… I’m dumb, stupid, and useless!!!

Great.

🙁

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11 comments

Wisp 3/15/2021 - 3:21 am

The only kind of person I’d ever get is someone who just wants to get me into bed. I don’t want that shit lol I just want snuggles. And the thought snuggling with strangers yeah that’s probably dumb of me as well. I just fucking hate this shit.

Probably why I’m so endlessly miserable, an ex I can never have, an ex I can never feel physically (live so far away and corona….)
Oh… and this wouldn’t matter whether he liked me or not…

I’ll always be alone and miserable though. Always.

Wisp 3/15/2021 - 3:24 am

I can’t do this shit anymore, I can’t even study properly, fuck this. Gotta rid this planet of my completely useless self.

If there wasn’t any creepy rapists or murderers I’d put my city in here, although I’m in Australia so that’s not of much use. Btw any gender can be a rapist or murderer, or abusive, even.

FUCK THIS.

Why doesn’t my ex just appear behind me and stab me

blue_dude15 3/16/2021 - 3:07 am

I know you are sick of hearing this and my comment probably won’t help, but please don’t blame yourself. I think you sound fairly intelligent, definitely not stupid. Your dad’s abuse is not your fault, no one should have to go through that.
I also really want snuggles; nothing sexual, I just crave hugs, and not just a quick hug… I want a really long tight hug that makes you feel less alone. I definitely understand what you mean, I want the same thing.
I also have abusive parents, and I also live in Australia. I really hope you can fine someone who’ll give you the snuggles you want, you deserve it

Wisp 3/15/2021 - 3:48 am

I AM A FAULTY HUMAN BEING. ALWAYS ADDICTED TO SOMETHING. First it was wow, then another game which I won’t mention here, then my ex, then gambling.

There’s something beyond wrong with the way my brain is wired.

Can’t say all those years of abuse from my dad helped either.

Some worthless beings like me just aren’t meant to be here.

Idfk anymore, I'm just here I guess 3/15/2021 - 6:10 am

I have Schizoid Personality Disorder. I don’t think I physiologically get lonely.

Abnormal.Thoughts 3/15/2021 - 8:53 am

I’m sorry you are in pain. Please don’t think of yourself as faulty.
Addiction happens because your body is craving the chemical that is released as a pleasure signal, it’s pretty normal, the hard part is overcoming it.
If you don’t want to be alone, and you don’t want your ex, don’t wait for someone to find you, find someone (eligible) that you want to be with and take a shot, it might not work, but at least you tried. Usually I tell people that they don’t need anyone, you don’t, but if that is what you want.

D00Ds 3/17/2021 - 5:48 am

Hey Wisp, what country are you from?
I’d love hugs, and love to give hugs, no sex involved. Besides, it’s overrated!

I too was abused, sexually, physically and mentally by 3 different people. Then I was being bullied inside and outside of school for many years. That’s only 1% of what shit I’ve had to deal with.
Give me a shout if you want a chat.

Wisp 3/18/2021 - 6:14 pm

Australia.
I’m sorry for what you’ve been through 🙁

a1957 3/17/2021 - 8:30 pm

I remember many lonely nights some years ago. It is an ache like no other.

On another post you mentioned alcoholic father. Those guys don’t lead, they order. Those guys will show impatience when understanding is needed. Those guys create havoc when stability is what is needed. Those guys break promises. Those guys break hearts. Those guys offer life destroying insults when support is needed. A childhood spent with an alcohol parent is worse than coming back from war.

While you feel worthless, you are worthwhile. I know when an abusive parent abuses they often rob us of the ability to concentrate on a goal or even think of ourselves as worthy of trustworthy people. Or worthy of anything.

GrimBrim 3/18/2021 - 9:20 am

I feel you. I really thought if I was good enough I could make it work. If I just gave enough or tried harder I could be enough?

But I couldn’t and I wasn’t. And now I feel lonely and useless too. People tell you it gets better. But after a while they expect you to be better? I’m not yet and I feel like I’m just bothering everyone around me.

If you wanna vent I’ll listen. I’m not great company either but I feel like it’s easier being sad with someone than alone all the time.

Wisp 3/18/2021 - 6:16 pm

I was going to delete this, because I erratically delete my posts, sorry. I should let us know that I have a final post out.
Wtf am I doing here, can’t even wright properly.
All these nightmares I’m having about my father again aren’t helping…

I’m sorry for everything and… yeah all have a hug fro m

me

https://suicideproject.org/2021/03/whatever-will-become-of-me/

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