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My mum just had a meltdown and yelled at me… again

by blue_dude15

Maybe I was in the wrong, Im not sure. I was busy revising for my math exam and then my mum started yelling at me for being useless and never helping enough and stuff. Its left me pretty shaken up, as always

Oh, and just now she walked up to me and said, “Please forgive me”, and then started crying. The thing is though, as soon as she walked away her crying stopped.

I dont know. maybe im just an entitled brat but it really seemed like guilt-tripping to me

i cant even tell anymore. What if Im the bad guy here?

idk, i just need to vent ig

14 comments
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14 comments

sad_noises 3/10/2021 - 3:35 am

oml are you honestly ok

blue_dude15 3/10/2021 - 3:40 am

i dont know if im ok. Whenever anyone yells at me all my suicidal thoughts come back. im sorry if im being dramatic or anything

thedevilisclose 3/10/2021 - 3:53 am

Do you think maybe she has her own mental problems?

blue_dude15 3/10/2021 - 4:50 am

she probably does, I try to be understanding and kind but its so difficult to have her yelling at me for the smallest thing and just generally worsening my mental health. If I suggested to her that she should get a therapist or something she’d just yell at me.
She hasn’t had an easy life, but that’s not really an excuse for how she’s been acting to me my whole life.
That being said, I often feel guilty for talking about her this way but she honestly just makes me want to kill myself. I try so hard to be helpful to her but somehow I always fail

blue_dude15 3/10/2021 - 4:53 am

basically, she loves me but is a toxic person to be around. I have tried to tell her before that I love her but some of her behaviour is damaging to me but she just completely disregards my feelings

system 3/10/2021 - 12:03 pm

Maybe you’ve already tried this, but let yourself break down in front of her. What I’m about to suggest is essentially textbook manipulation (I’ve learned from the pros lmao), but not for a malicious reason. Literally cry at her and repeat that you’re worried about her. You want her to get help because you want her to be happy. It’s a last resort, but using pathos on people to essentially manipulate them into getting help can work.

Mf 3/10/2021 - 4:36 am

Sounds like she’s not doing ok, like thedevilisclose above says she might have her own problems. Doesn’t excuse how she yelled at you out of nowhere, but at least you shouldn’t blame yourself.

system 3/10/2021 - 11:57 am

I smell borderline personality disorder.

mountaingoat 3/10/2021 - 7:21 pm

Your mother sounds neurotic. Once you can understand that, you can find a foothold out of those feelings.

She probably can’t really help it, it just overtakes her and she reacts, probably like her parent did to her. People can go their whole lives that way without even noticing something is off, or acknowledging they have a character flaw that requires attention.

She said sorry and cried, on some level she has acknowledged it, but it’s questionable how sorry she really felt if she shut off the tears on the way out the door. Still, it’s an acknowledgement.

ListenToYourHeart 3/10/2021 - 11:20 pm

I can’t tell you how terrible I feel, reading your post.
Recently, my 42-year-old daughter came to me and pretty much told me that her childhood was a lot more miserable than I had realized and that I was the main reason for that.
I had no idea.
I not only loved my daughter even when she was little, I also liked her a lot, too!!!
I knew she was very anxious, and didn’t make friends easily in school and we tried to make things easier!
We got her therapy, I got therapy, her dad got therapy and her brother, 3 years younger than her is severely autistic and sucked up so much of the family’s time and attention that I guess it was easy to blame that for her troubles.
I really thought I was a good mother.
To find out how my daughter saw me shook me to my core.
How could I be THAT unaware?
Actually, it turned out that I had Bipolar Disorder.
After my daughter was grown, but long before she told me what growing up with me was like, I got a lot worse before I got diagnosed, treated and got better.

Because I am better, when my daughter told me what I was like, even though I have no memory of the ways she describes me — a lot like your mother — I told her that she is my child, I love her, and that as far as I’m concerned, her reality is the reality.
She has been telling me things that hurt and/or angered her and I continue to apologize and do my best not to get defensive.
I don’t know which tears me up more — the fact that my child was far more unhappy than I realized or that I was the cause of it.
It does sound like your mother is troubled.
For whatever reason.
The reason, for the purpose of this conversation, doesn’t matter.

Your feelings are 100% valid.
No matter what your mom is going through.
It sounds to me like you’ve got a very clear view of your home situation.
You’re exactly right. There are likely very good reasons for your mom’s unacceptable behaviors, but no excuses.
Your physical reactions to being abused are normal, but not to be desired.
Instead of manifesting in suicidal ideation, I’d like to see you do lots more venting !! Particularly to and with others who are in a situation similar to yours.
Have you looked on Reddit or anywhere online to see if there are support groups to join?
Is getting any therapy in real life an option?
You sound so straight-headed. It’s amazing that you see things so clearly when you live in such craziness.
Please just hang in there until you’re out on your own!
I wish you the best of luck. And your mother, too.

blue_dude15 3/11/2021 - 2:59 am

Hey there, I actually teared up reading your comment. It was so genuine, thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I see that you’re trying your best to be a good mother now, and that takes perseverance and a lot of self-realization. Of course, it doesn’t change the past but its a lot better than never changing. It does make a big difference, trust me, even if your daughter is now an adult.
I do occasionally go on Reddit, and it is comforting to hear from people going through similar things, though its not the same as getting any real-life therapy. Unfortunately my mum isn’t very knowledgeable about mental health issues and wouldn’t let me go to therapy because she sees mental health issues as a taboo. She would probably insist that instead of a therapist, I can talk to her about anything, which I obviously can’t.
Thank you, seeing things clearly is a good quality to have, so its nice to have someone say that about me.
I will try to vent more, thank you for your time replying 🙂

thedevilisclose 3/11/2021 - 3:47 am

“I will try to vent more”

Honesty is what’s best when it comes to recovery. Even if it hurts. No one can help you if they don’t know. Even just venting here, sometimes it’s best to just get it out.

I have a sensitive post on here that’s hidden. It was eating me alive. Even though its hidden just getting it out of my head felt so much better. Then finally sharing it with my friends yesterday felt so much better just knowing I don’t have to battle this alone.

*hugs*

thedevilisclose 3/11/2021 - 4:00 am

Oh something I meant to add but forgot to. Don’t force yourself. Being honest is good but not if you aren’t ready.

blue_dude15 3/11/2021 - 4:35 am

thanks, i appreciate it 🙂

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