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No desire to do anything

by Wisp

Not suicide related

I only go outside with my mum now. I’d rather be at home when I can, safe from this judgmental world. You can’t do a single thing without being judged these days. Studying sucks. I can’t even get in a group for a role play, yeah this is online, I should check my messages more often… someone replied to me on Wednesday and then I replied back, and now… nothing. I am barely motivated to even continue studying. I can’t do this anymore. Being an adult is far too difficult and it’s really not something I can do. Always worrying about one thing or another, trying to plan when you’d rather just sleeeeeeeep forever.

I have no interests, nothing, I bought some art supplies, used them a couple of times and they sit collecting dust.

I can’t be bothered to be super polite and nice, that just seems fake to be anyway. I can’t be an adult. I really really really really truly cannot do it. I really believe I’m done. I’ve been saying this more lately. Life isn’t for me, and that’s that!!!

My ex told me a little while before we stopped talking ‘no wonder you want to die, you have no goals’. Luckily for him, hopefully we won’t talk again and he can find people more suited and relatable.

I’m so sick of everything! Dying is hard and I can’t leave my mum behind. I can’t handle it!

8 comments
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8 comments

TheOpenRoad 3/4/2021 - 5:01 pm

Maybe reach out to friends, or your mom. Might help you feel less alone.

About the lack of interests, consider this: you’re really feeling shitty. It may not be the best time to expect productivity from yourself. There’s no hurry anyway, you’ve got years to make all the paintings you want.

Hope you’ll feel better soon.

Wisp 3/4/2021 - 5:35 pm

Yeah I live with my mum so I talk to her, I can talk to her about most things, not sure if she understands but yeah that’s good at least…

Wisp 3/4/2021 - 5:20 pm

I can’t do this. I have no desire to interact with others. I don’t want to talk to others. I don’t want to do anything. Adulting is way too hard. I’m sick of complaining too. I’m sick of even writing. I’m sick of being sick of things.

Wisp 3/4/2021 - 5:38 pm

I just want my room full of stuffed toys, they don’t annoy me and don’t judge me and I don’t bother them with my pathetic annoying self, and I can snuggle with them whenever I like. if I sound like a freak I don’t care

system 3/5/2021 - 2:42 am

I’m nearly a legal adult and my entire headboard has stuffed animals on it. I’m running out of space, and there’s even more of them next to my bed. You don’t sound like a freak lol

SrslyTuff 3/4/2021 - 7:17 pm

I get what you’re saying, it feels like everything is empty or fake nowadays and its just getting worse everyday

JudgeMeNot 3/4/2021 - 9:12 pm

Ouch. That last sentence got me.

system 3/5/2021 - 2:40 am

What you described are essentially all symptoms of clinical depression. If you have the access, try to talk to a psychiatrist about a medication trial. First they’ll probably see if you do well on SSRI meds, and if you don’t then they’ll probably put you on SNRI.

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