I kind of feel like I’m going in circles with my teacher, she asks me if I tried to connect with other students regarding looking for 2 other people with my course assignment roleplay. Of course I did. I could tell her I’ve made 3 posts on the course forum asking for people to help me.
I’m thinking of dropping out anyway. I don’t want to be here for another year! i’d have to arrange something for my mum, I don’t know what I’d even… and I know she doesn’t want me to go.
I will not go through another 6 months of missing my ex. That was nothing but complete misery. Now I’ll go through it again. I knew I’d never see him in real life again because of the pandemic. I know the world is only punishing me for treating him badly not long after the second break up. The world doesn’t want me here and I severely hate going outside, I hate seeing or interacting with others, I’d rather stay home and stay safe in my bed whenever I can, again I’m just sorry to my mum.
I know I wasn’t really keeping my ex ‘afloat’ because he was miserable. I know he ran off to his mum to discuss me and talk about how horrible and bad I am.
I thought we were past that two years ago. I haven’t written to his mum in a couple of years and don’t care to.
I just can’t be like everyone else. Anyway I know I’ll never be happy again so… Well thinking about it, the pandemic has caused alot of suicides. I heard that someone in my state did it and we aren’t even in lockdown.
As I’ve stated I also don’t like where the world is going.
I barely even shower now, I don’t really even wash my face, I don’t really eat enough, I’m not interested in anything, I don’t even really care to have another relationship with my ex, if he was nearby, if I could get his snuggles, have his company, that’s what I mostly want with him.
It was the only time I was happy. There’s no point in being around any longer if I’ll never be happy again.
I wish he would just appear and finish me off…