Just waiting to die, although I’d want to go this year or the next.
I’ve pretty much destroyed my interactions with my ex, we haven’t talked for weeks. I figure he’s gone and told his mum how ‘bad’ I am, well yes I am a bad person, so I shouldn’t be here anyway, so it doesn’t give me the chance to be bad ever again.
I was awfully tired of him not really admitting his own faults anyway, just resulted in him getting angry or sweeping it under the carpet. So in a sense he would be playing the victim, because it would allow him to make me look as bad as possible while making himself look like a saint.
I wish I hadn’t screwed this up, I feel like we became too different, but also, I knew I was never going to see him again, at least anytime sooooooon, so my impatience got the better of me. That’s not even his fault, but yeah, my own.
All I really have is nightmare after nightmare lately, I stay at home as much as I can get away with, I dislike people so much, and being in a small town, I think it just makes me despise them even more. I don’t like encountering the same people every day. I almost feel that I *need* to stay at home as much as possible, everyone just irritates me.
This, of course makes me get disliked in turn, but I don’t care about being ‘liked’.
Again, sorry to my mum… :\
I’m tired of being endlessly miserable, I want to go…