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I think I’m gonna get better

by TheOpenRoad

Weird post, but I wanted to share a few things I’ve come to realize.

 

People keep saying passive shit like “things will get better” or “I hope you’re doing okay”, but their whole approach is wrong. Passiveness is just contrary to anything that could help. So I’m pretty sure most of us here are depressed. I’ve heard that diagnosis before. And earlier I thought it was just a way of life, because I hadn’t felt different in so many years. But I think now it’s an illness. A real, curable illness. A depressed brain is physically different from a healthy one. So things won’t get better. Depression won’t just fix itself. You won’t magically wake up happy. You’ve got to treat it as if it were any other disease. The nature of this is such that it tries its hardest to stop you doing that curing. We’re fatigued. Nobody wants to exercise. It’s easier to cut.

 

But you know, the people we are is just chemicals. Love, friendship, sex drive, appetite. When you’re high, you behave differently, don’t you? That’s just a chemical. So why not chemicals for a disease of the mind? And I’m not talking about recreational shit.

 

Antidepressants. I’m on SSRIs a month now, and I feel different. I have more energy. I’m able to stick to a deadline. I can hold a conversation without tiring. I get out of bed every morning, albeit a little sleep deprived. My emotions are blunted, and it feels good to be this stable. I laugh at stupid jokes my partner cracks that earlier just tired the fuck out of me.

 

Why did I never try this solution? What’s the downside? It’s practically free, the meds are so cheap. And fortunately for me, I don’t need a scrip for the stuff in my country. So I don’t have to pay for therapy. But for those of you that are less fortunate, I don’t know, write a fake prescription. It’s worth it. You know you’re depressed, you don’t need overpaid bourgeois scum to tell you that and leech off you for months. This could be the end of my feeling this way. I can hardly imagine what a whole normal life would feel like. I never knew I could come back to this. I thought this feeling died with childhood.

14 comments
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14 comments

thedevilisclose 4/23/2021 - 3:30 am

While I agree with what you say, I wouldn’t be telling people to write their own perscription. That could and mostly will cause more problems then it would solve and in some cases kill you. This is why those meds are prescribed in most countries.

TheOpenRoad 4/23/2021 - 10:12 am

Yeah, sorry. Probably shouldn’t have said that.

Abnormal.Thoughts 4/23/2021 - 8:36 am

I’m currently reading a book on CBT and they talk about some of the research that is being done: under an MRI people with mental illnesses brain’s fire differently to stimuli than those that don’t have mental illnesses. With treatment they can change the firing , (I could have this next part backwards) with medication the hippocampus usually responds differently and with CBT the prefrontal cortex changes. They are researching ways to personalize treatment based on brain scans, doesn’t sound like they are having much success yet though.
Anyways, the point is, yes it’s a disease, it’s physically measurable, and it can be changed.
I’m glad you’ve found something that odd working for you, keep it up.

TheOpenRoad 4/23/2021 - 10:12 am

Thanks man

heartlessviking 4/23/2021 - 2:04 pm

I feel like this is your first ascent towards recovery. Feel free to correct me, it was a perception based educated guess.

The point; if there is an ascent , in my experience the better times last a quite specific period of time. They will end, and when dark days come again it won’t be so easy to pull back up. This is me, seven major breakdowns in, wanting to stop pulling up. Not so much to stay depressed, rather try to avoid influencing a world that I want none of the ideas it has thus tried to sell me.

Complacency can be just as much an illness. If you bet on anyone other than yourself, you take a leap of faith. Most people will let you drop, though a few will try to catch you. So, you still feeling good about leaping about without support?

Robert77 4/23/2021 - 3:08 pm

I haven’t seen much lasting good from SSRI’s. They can work for some people but they quit working at some point and the withdrawals can be nasty and for some like my ex permanent. They gave her Prozac before she was diagnosed as being Bipolar/BPD and it just made her so much worse from then on. Thats just IMHO though. YMMV

system 4/23/2021 - 5:03 pm

the biggest issue there is that they didn’t diagnose her before they medicated her. SSRIs can really permanently fuck up people with personality disorders.

Idfk anymore, I'm just here I guess 4/23/2021 - 5:10 pm

Is that so?

Why?

system 4/23/2021 - 7:45 pm

Yeah, I know it sounds weird. What someone with a personality disorder needs is mood stabilizers or anti-psychotics, not SSRIs. Mainly because SSRIs (Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors) do what their name implies: increase the efficacy of serotonin by limiting its reabsorption. It also promotes slightly more serotonin production.
Personality disorders don’t mix well with SSRIs because the last thing they need is more serotonin in their system. The increase of one chemical is only going to worsen the symptoms of their disorder.
Mood stabilizers (anti convulsants) help stabilize moods and reduce impulsive behavior by assisting the brain in regulating itself.
Anti-psychotics function similarly: they reduce impulsive behavior, extreme anxiety, and anger.

Idfk anymore, I'm just here I guess 4/23/2021 - 7:56 pm

Interesting.

I have Multiple Complex Developmental Disorder, a subtype of pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (which itself is classified as Autism) and Schizoid Personality Disorder.

Idfk anymore, I'm just here I guess 4/23/2021 - 7:59 pm

Geez why the f did I write that.. Not NOS obviously, my bad

dls25 4/23/2021 - 4:16 pm

I don’t know what country you’re in, but in mine you can’t write a fake script. Prescription pads are all tracked and logged in a national system. Even attempting to fake one is potential jail time, or at least a hefty fine. I would never recommend anyone to try it. In my country, even if you can get an appointment, meds are crazy expensive here. Some of you might already guess what country I’m talking about.

As for SSRIs, I’ve been there and done that. I’m glad that they work for you, but they didn’t for me. MAOI (the old stuff from the 50s and 60s), gave me horrible side effects that I couldn’t take them. That’s just where I am. I’m not the only one. The first SSRI was Prozac, I think it was approved here in 1989? It was the 80s. It definitely revolutionized treatment of depression, but it doesn’t work on everyone. Maybe yet another drug will be invented that will help even more people. But until they figure out a new class, I’m stuck where I am.

system 4/23/2021 - 5:02 pm

As someone who’s also on SSRIs and has had a good experience with them, I’m so glad to hear that your medication trials have proven effective c:

TheOpenRoad 5/6/2021 - 12:02 pm

Glad it’s working for you too system.

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