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Stuff and more stuff

by Wisp

Sometimes I’m very impulsive and hasty with my posts, I apologize for that, then I just might feel like a moron and may not come back for some days… again, sorry….. I should probably quit making posts about my ex anyway, I f**k alot of things up on my own. Stuff is complicated?!

So I got a phone call from a hospital that my dad was probably going to die from liver failure and a bleeding brain (I don’t know if there’s a more medical term for that).
He was very emotionally abusive for yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeearrrrrs, also he did threaten to kill mum and I a boatload of times over the years when we had been living with him, but we haven’t been living with him for 3 yrs or so.
I feel so terrible and horrible about it, I can’t help to feel that way.

I’m also kind of envious of him if he does end up dying (I’m sick, I know…).
My dad was an almost alcoholic, but could almost just say ‘alcoholic’, he had cirrhosis a few years ago but refused to do anything about it and kept drinking very heavily, so it’s inevitable his liver would fail sooner or later…

I have no desire to see him in the hospital.
I hate myself for that, but I won’t be able to forgive him for the endless abuse even in his death! Oh I’m still tormented by him, I’ll just be tormented all over again… I’m sorry but there’s just no excuse for all these years for abuse (around 18 to be exact).
Fuck it, I may follow suit soon in a couple of months…

:\

3 comments
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3 comments

TheOpenRoad 4/24/2021 - 2:28 pm

You don’t need to see him.

a1957 4/24/2021 - 11:17 pm

I did not go see my mother when I was told her days were numbered. She was cruel to me for about 15 years and I did not need any more pain. Her passing was felt by me for just about a minute.

blue_dude15 4/25/2021 - 6:37 pm

Don’t apologise, I also often post impulsively. Post about whatever you feel like talking about.
My parents are abusive, and if they were dying I probably wouldn’t want to see them. Don’t pressure yourself to do anything you don’t want to do.

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