I’m tired of myself. I want a break from being me. A long sleep. There’s a place in my mind I go when I need comfort, and I want that place to be real. I wish I was a different person. Born somewhere else. In a different time. My eyes are tired. I need somewhere to slow down. Life just moves too fast. I’m sick of isolation. I want to go outside again and run to catch the bus. I haven’t been sleeping enough. I tried to give something to someone yesterday and it didn’t work. I wish I had a different first language. Reading is dangerous. I don’t want reality, I want all the places I escaped to in books and movies and dreams. My stomach is empty and I won’t fill it. I plan too much. I wish she’d stop talking. I’m a prisoner of ritual. I want to sleep forever. I’m going to lose everything. If only I was less tired. I want energy. I honestly want to change. How do I change? I’m a secret. I hate lying and that’s all I do. Because everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie I am completely alone. I just need the strength to change something. But all change falls through eventually. Every time I achieve a change I just go back to what it was like earlier in a few weeks. How do I stop? God, I hate every day. I hate myself. Why can’t I tell him everything? Why am I still lying? It’s crushing me. There’s no such thing as a white lie. At least I’m not angry anymore. Why can’t I take a break? I want to be a kid again and have a summer vacation. And now she’s calling me. It’s just annoying. I’m not paying her for leaving me stranded halfway to the city with nothing but a bag of toiletries. I’ll really call the cops if she doesn’t quit asking.