Hallucinations

I always thought people who said they could hear things or see things were full of shit…..I mean I suppose they are technically crazy in the moment but those things they see or the things they hear are not actually there and if they are it’s usually distorted but the victim DOES in fact hear and see these things because their brain is playing tricks on them. It has more to do with the biology and less to do with the mystical as I used to ignorantly assume those people were talking about. I used to think these people just wanted to see things like those idiots on the Ghost Hunters tv show. But I now know first hand what it’s like to see and hear things that aren’t there. A few nights ago after drinking the whole day for several days in a row I went to bed and tried to get some sleep but I kept hearing screaming and talking that wasn’t actually occurring. It sounded like someone was getting tortured to death or something at one point. The whole thing felt like it only lasted 1 hour or less but when I decided to get up it was already morning and my whole body was drenched in sweat. Sooner or later I’m gonna have to decide what’s worse…..the hallucinations or the social anxiety. I feel trapped because I drink alcohol to relieve my social anxiety during the day but when I’m back home trying to sleep I have these hallucinations. They’re so fucking scary…..the screaming is what scares me the most. It’s as if I can actually hear them right outside my door. One time I felt my bed being lifted partially like someone was punching it up or something. I have to remind myself that it ain’t real and that it’s all just inside my head. I just have to get sober but that’s easier said than done. I just wish people were more understanding of me because they assume all alcoholics are abusive wife beating bastards but I’m never like that. It’s usually the kids who had abusive alcoholic parents who have this view on all alcoholics but the irony is that I know what that abuse looks like. The only difference is that my father was sober while doing it and so I chose alcohol as a form of self medication to relax which is what alcohol is intended to do. Years later I use it to help me relax in social situations like at work.