tw: I’ll be talking about someone violating my boundaries on the next page.
Now, I love most of my family unconditionally. They’ve not been perfect, and some might say they’ve done some shitty things, but I do love them.
However, there’s a difference between being imperfect and being an asshole. My brother crosses that line. Multiple times.
My brother. Where should I start?
So, for context, my brother is 16-17 years old. He isn’t just a kid anymore, and I have decided that his behavior is inexcusable at this point.
First of all, he doesn’t respect me at all. He’s done some weird things. First of all, he’s physical around me (without my permission) which includes him sniffing my hair (don’t ask me why), petting my head, hugging me, even licking me once, and things similar to that. I hate that. I hate being touched by anyone. I just don’t like it.
(Fun fact: I have explicitly told him that if he were not my brother, I would be able to arrest him for touching me. He didn’t get the message. I have given up on that angle.)
He also does other, non-physical things. He’s made weirdly sexual jokes before, including: one about brother-sister incest (he said something along the lines of “haha what if a brother and sister did the thing??? haha???), one about bestiality involving our pet cat (haha what if a person and our cat did the thing??? haha???), and just generally making jokes involving sexual themes. I have told him I am not comfortable with these jokes. He’s not been as insistent as doing this as the other things so he usually backs off and talks about something else. Still, it rubs me the wrong way that he ever thought it was appropriate.
He seems to think he’s entitled to my company. If I ever say that I don’t feel like talking to him, he gets mad at me and starts insulting me. And if I ever mention the fact that he insults me then expects me to still like him, he gets even more mad. Because god forbid I have my own opinions and standards. Nooo, I have to go along with whatever he wants.
This is less of a concrete thing, but I sometimes feel like he views me like an animal? Okay, so I tend to chew my nails, and since I didn’t want to get a habit of doing that I got some chewlery (just search it up online if you don’t know what it is). Today, he came up to me and literally said: “good doggy chew on the chew toy” like FHFKFKFHG I can’t make this shit up I told him to stop and he said: “what? it’s a chew toy” no asshole it isn’t you’re just a jerk.
He doesn’t respect my boundaries at all. He looks at my private stuff all the time. He doesn’t care if I’m uncomfortable.
Now, at first, I dismissed these things as just him being antisocial, but this isn’t a one-time thing. I have told him to stop multiple times. I have told my parents about this. I have told counselors about this. He hasn’t stopped. Everyone keeps telling me to forgive and forget, but there’s a difference between letting go of petty arguments and accepting a toxic person to do as they please. If my brother really wants to change, he can obviously do so, but it’s not my job to make him see what a prick he is.
I don’t know what to do, honestly. I might have to live for years with this person. My hope is that once I go to university, I’ll never have to live with him again.
I’m sorry if this post is incomprehensible. I always try to block out my bad memories. Remembering them can be difficult. Telling someone about them is even more difficult. It feels icky to remember bad things. But I don’t want to forget anymore, because if I forget I can never hold people accountable.
That’s all I have to say for now.