Just venting thoughts.
I attempted on April 11th of this year, because I’m not happy despite building a good life for myself. I was so close. Figured out how to make it painless. Someone walked into my room to tell me dinner was ready, and that’s why I failed. Because I did it at home. I was so close. She said I was blue.
Life after that just hasn’t been the same. I have a different job, a different girlfriend, a different perspective, and the same emptiness. They put me on meds, and the meds level me out to a zombie-like grey, but its not the same as being happy. I just dont care about anything anymore. It’s difficult to describe, sorry. It’s like, there’s no point anymore. Everything is so vanilla, bland, plain, and boring.
I can’t stop thinking about how easy it is to do it. Or just doing it in general. Tons of daydreams. Been discerning whether or not a retry is a good decision.