Over the years I’ve worked very hard to fix what I thought was causing my problems in life. I’ve moved into better and higher paying jobs, I’ve acquired more money and found better and more comfortable places to live, and I’ve endeavoured to reset my relationships with other people to the point where I limit my interactions with those who do not make me feel good about myself.
However, the problem is always there and never goes away no matter what I do. No matter how much I am able to make my life better, I cannot get rid of the intense feelings of unhappiness and despair that never go away. No matter how much things get better I’ll always find a reason to not feel good, and the fact that my mood doesn’t change irrespective of my success just makes everything feel hopeless.
When I feel like ending my life, it is only because I can’t escape the pain.