i had a great opportunity to make world a better place some time ago.
by getting miscarried.
it’s official. i am negative value now. less than worthless.
my father was right all along. first he wanted to have me aborted, then, he daydreamed of me committing suicide.
all of this life was for nothing. it was all pointless.
this was a messed up month. it seems that i had some very deeply buried problems, which i couldn’t quite grasp. but my brain, given time, somehow tracked them down and solved them on its own. without me consciously putting much effort into it. sometimes even during sleep.
i will now go back to living my pointless blatant life and i promise that i will never talk to humans ever again. i will read books and write a diary instead.
bye.
1 comment
My dad was a jerk too. I hate saying it.. I went to counseling at 16, and one day, me and my dad were sitting there. The counselor comes in and asks what brought us in… and he says “a number of things,” “she thinks she can be a doctor, but she doesn’t have any common sense. Plus her grades are failing…” the counselor scolded him… but I’ll never forget how he always called me stupid growing up.
Being scapegoated in your situation is common, I’ve been there too. It takes healing and pushing to be “you” because abusive parenting stunts identity in different ways