I’ve been trying to practice keeping my head down for the last few weeks. No news, no social media, nothing to ADD negativity. Then, unavoidably it seems, I return to my old ways. I try to interact…. and my filter for grief, which is how most things appear to me, is dark humor. I like to laugh at death, all the more when it appears to be coming right at me.
So, I made a joke about tragedy, and it did not go over well… apparently “in poor taste”, you know what I think is in poor taste? Having a world so tragic and awful that you aren’t allowed to laugh at it.
It’s just a sore point. I’d _LOVE_ to not be in constant pain to the point humor is the only way I can filter tragedy…
It isn’t happening. Sorry, not really something I have input into.
It’s at times like these that I miss having a therapist, an interpreter for me to understand why my social faux pas is inappropriate. I don’t want to care, I don’t have the energy to care. Ordinary people seem so aimless and pointless…. I wish I could just dismiss them for the ignorant savages they are…. yet…. yet? I don’t know, the approval of others has been a quixotic nightmare in my life. I’m going to go hit some 420 and try to forget….. better add some whiskey, life being agonizingly long these days.