Motivation speech to kill myself. Feel free to read along, comment, etc.
I was supposed to do this in May. I was ready mentally and physically to end this once and for all. What stopped me was a stroke of good luck. A stroke of incredible luck which, at the time, seemed like the my chance for a brand new life. This, I came to realize, wasn’t the case. It did change things for the better but only in the sense that it was like finding a glass of water in the desert. You gulp it and feel relief, but you’re still in the desert.
So we’re back here staring suicide in the face. Fear is strong. Fear of what? I’m not afraid of gods or demons. The only thing I’m afraid of is making a mistake that I cannot correct. Regardless of what we believe may come after, one thing is for sure: once it happens, death cannot be changed.
Isn’t that funny. Life can be changed (by ending it), but death cannot. It is perhaps the only thing in the universe that absolutely cannot be undone. And that’s what I’m afraid of. Obviously all the other souls who have killed themselves since time began have faced this fear and conquered it. I think the statistic is 1 in 10,000. One person in 10,000 has the guts. To put that in perspective, about 1 in 5000 can run a 5-minute mile. Your chances of being able to run a 5-minute mile are twice as good as being able to kill yourself. Those are hard facts, as much as we like to believe we have the freedom to end our lives any time we want. No. Only a rare 1/10,000th of us has what it takes.
But here’s the difference. Whereas running a 5-minute mile takes years & years of training, discipline and practice (a hell of a lot more than just waking up one day and saying “today I’m going to run a 5-minute mile”), suicide is purely a matter of wanting it bad enough.
Thats literally all it takes.
I want this bad. I want this. We’re taught that you can have anything in life if you want it bad enough, and that’s mostly just bullshit they tell kids in low budget made-for-tv movies. But in this case it’s 100% true.
You want to be free from all this hell? It’s easy, anyone can do it. You just have to want it bad enough.