R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Today i want to high light ”respect”…something that is very important to me, which i assume applies to everyone us…we’d all like to be treated with respect. However i’ve noticed that i’m receiving less respect compared to 6 years ago. Well allot has changed in 6 years, with one big change being that i came out as a woman at 19 years old (i am transgender).
I’m starting to wonder if the lack of respect i’m receiving has anything to do with me now being in a feminine body…you see before coming out I’ve never had strangers sexually touch me without my consent, like grabbing my butt or rubbing up my thighs. i can re-call 5 instances (over the span of 6 years) in which I’ve been touched in a sexual manner, without my consent. The worst of them being a guy who grabbed at my crotch and breast and if it’s not touching it’s some guy literally following me around (also happened on multiple occasions) or obviously invading my personal space to the point where anyone would feel discomfort.
This along with the many cat calls, or insults such as ”whore” and ”slut” while out in public. Where i live in my neighbourhood my trans status is known to people through gossip and today a young boy who might have been 11-12 years old, said he heard from someone that i’m ”really just a boy” and tried to have me verify my gender…i politely told him not to ask such an intrusive question and he then proceeded to call me (a 25 year old woman) a ”whore” and ran off laughing with his little friends.
Shocked and surprised i wondered where the respect i once received had gone to…am i deserving of less respect? Before coming out as a woman, people wouldn’t dare disrespecting me in anyway like they do now. Before my coming out people have often told me that no one would want to disrespect me because i was perceived as a ”young black male” and they thought i’d definitely beat them up if they tried…perhaps that racist stereotype helped in some weird messed up way. Now generally speaking, i often get told that i look like my mom in more ways than one (personality, in the face, in how i sound when i speak)…my mom is kind and patient, i also take after her when it comes to that…but everyone can get angry after a while.
Allot has changed before coming out…i was also not used to not being taken seriously in day to day interactions, being talked to in a condescending manner or being disregarded in conversations. The look of surprise when they realize they’ve underestimated me and i actually know what i’m talking about or that i’m actually capable of doing XY or Z is common place unfortunately.
All of these disrespectful experiences combined (the sexually inappropriate and otherwise rude and disrespectful behaviour, the not being taken serious) make me feel small at times. It has me wondering if i now deserve less respect?
8 comments
Welcome to the world of being a woman. This is something that women have had to deal with their entire lives. We are never taken as seriously as men are. And we have our personal spaces and bodies violated all the time.
Here is a great Ted talk exactly about this topic- from a trans M to F: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrYx7HaUlMY
It goes beyond just daily interactions with strangers. It’s documented in studies. For ex, if a woman goes to a dr and says she has such and such symptoms, she’s sent away as a complainer/hypochondriac vs if a man claimed the exact same symptoms, he will be sent to have labs or xrays, etc.
It’s disgusting how society treats women as “less than.” In an age where we are supposedly modern. Despite it being 2021, women still haven’t achieved equality.
Well, this is what you have to deal with now as a woman. O_o
Thank you for sharing that Ted Talk. I watched till the end and every bit of that (except for the CEO part) felt relatable!
What you mentioned about going to the DR’s office is very recognizable. My mom had to deal with the same thing. Yesterday my mom mentioned how most of time if you’re in public with a man at your side you seem to get more respect.
I’ve noticed this difference like day and night. When i went out on a date with a guy i noticed how all of a sudden guys (literally the same guys i’ve seen before) don’t harass me in any way shape or form. But when i’m alone all of that changes. Then suddenly they start being inappropriate.
All of this is disgusting indeed!
I find this utterly ridiculous. Men are sent off to die in wars and nobody bats an eye. When a woman is murdered, it is front-page news. When a man is murdered, it doesn’t make the news. Society keeps talking about violence against women – most victims of violence are men, but you wouldn’t guess it from the way society treats it.
There is research showing that women get more sympathy than men do, and that men are blamed for their misfortune.
journals.aom.org/doi/abs/10.5465/AMBPP.2019.15459abstract
Women THINK men get respect – and that is because the men women NOTICE get respect. Women notice high-status men. Popular men, handsome men, powerful men. They see these men treated with respect, these are the men women date or hope to date. These are the men they befriend. So they become their yardstick for men in general, and women conclude that men are respected and powerful.
What they miss is all the men who are not powerful, and who they wouldn’t give as much as a glance. Most homeless people are men. Most lonely people are men. Most suicides are men. Most manual laborers are men. Most high-school dropouts are men. Most people killed in accidents are men. Most people in prison are men.
If you are born with a Y-chromosome, life is far more likely to fuck you over. Far more.
Yet society calls men “privileged”, refuses to consider that maybe men are human too and hurt too, and assigns men the eternal role of bad guy.
Unfortunately, these things happen to all who appear as an attractive woman.
Check out the YouTube video, “10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman.”
I tend to dress in a gender neutral or tomboy way as I do not want any of that toxic masculine energy being attracted to me.
Wow that video gave me a similar anxiety as if i was really out and about on the streets. Sometimes I’ve also felt the need to perhaps ”butch up” or ”dress down” as a way to not go through this type of bullsh*t…especially considering the fact that people like to judge the way you dress (the typical dress ”modestly” argument), But that would be me punishing myself for the way other people behave…that’s not how it should be!
You must be beautiful
Doesn’t matter is she is beautiful or not. Also doesn’t matter if one covers up from head to toe. Females get harassed regardless. That’s the problem.
That video was faked