yeah they ran out of beds in the children’s ward, and I said I wasn’t suicidal, so they let me leave. I tried killing myself immediately after but I could only find 2 extra strength Tylenols : / oh well, you win some, you lose some.
ok, so I get that the nurses were concerned for me, and I get that it’s their job, but it’s so fucking annoying when you’re having a good crying session and like 3 different people come in your room and interrogate you about it. like. I just. don’t. want. to. talk. about. it. I don’t know why I feel like shit. please leave me alone. and it doesn’t help that they have security cameras and they can just……watch me cry. I can’t even cry in private. it’s so awkward doing anything in there.
if I had to give the psych ward a rating…. it’s a 3/5 from me. the food was good (except for the porridge) and the nurses were nice, but…. it’s a psych ward. I don’t think it gets any better than that. also I had to talk to 7 different psychiatrists and it was okay at first, but by the end I just said whatever they wanted to hear just so they could leave me alone. none of them were rude, and I don’t hate them personally, but if one more doctor asks me how suicidal I am on a scale of 1-10 I’m going to chug bleach.
in other news, they also gave me a pill for anxiety. it didn’t do anything unfortunately. maybe I took it wrong? apparently it works for my mom, but just because I’m related to her doesn’t necessarily mean we have the same disorder. actually, I’m 90% sure my anxiety was because I was chucked into the looney bin, not because of my mental illness.
anyways, the psychiatrist is going to call me next week, probably put me on meds or something, maybe even give me a therapist. at this point I don’t care about getting diagnosed or getting help. my only plans for the future are dying. but who knows? maybe the drugs will work. maybe I’ll finally have a will to live. life is weird like that.
uhh yep that’s it peace out bye