down time is recuperative, because only then can I start to see the big picture, how I’ve followed instructions and made the best decision based on current data, and failed. The factor that I never accounted for is this; a no win scenario.
My motivation is such that I have to be entirely convinced that my work helps others, that I am not part of the system that has chewed me up and spit me out. I don’t see a job like that out there, and because I’m a man I’m socialized to equate my economic status with self worth. There is no right path, and I think given the amount of time spent trying to fix my problems, it would be reasonable to start to consider that the culture is so toxic that a large amount of people can’t take it anymore.
I feel like I’m watching a slow motion implosion. Everywhere I look, kind and effective people are burning out, no longer able to work. Not a ringing endorsement for playing by the rules and being a team player. Soon only the credulous and greedy will be working, and the rest of us will figure out how to get by without the economy for awhile. We forget that for thousands of years humans bartered and thrived, we don’t need this capitalist nonsense.