Don’t feel like celebrating
Me being depressed whenever my birthday is around the corner seems to be a trend that has been going on for the past few years. I remember me not really celebrating my 18th birthday a few years ago, i just sat at home with my grandmother (who sadly passed away this year) and isolated myself from everyone as to not be reminded of my birthday. I don’t care to celebrate my birthday because there is nothing to celebrate since depression has sucked all the joy out of my existence.
Today is my birthday (the 22nd of October) and i turned 26. It seems that which each year my depression is becoming progressively worse. Today i’m suffering from a sharp neck-shoulder pain so bad i had to go home and lay down on the couch…the pain came out of now where. Maybe it’s a symptom of my quite severe depression, or my bed/pillow (perhaps both).
Just last year i experienced horrible constipation for months at a time, due to my depression. I also experience intense crying episodes that leave my face soaking wet from tears…my face muscles tense up…violently and uncontrollably contorting itself into the saddest of facial expressions as my body slumps over signaling defeat.That describes what i went through today and most other days.
I’m feeling extra miserable on my birthday…i don’t wanna do this anymore, i feel so suicidal! I’ve had this feeling for quite some years that i’ll probably die young. It’s because i can’t imagine spending an average of 80+ years feeling like this.
