Again? Again? I have to do this all again for God knows how long? Again again agaiin again again, the shittiness of knowing Im contributing nothing, she knows I am, im just shit and oh god now i have to pay tbose publishing places out of my bloody universal credit so…. Great. I shouls kill myself. I know thst. People in better places than me right now have. God knows ive got enough pills, or maybr even – stop. I HATE SARBJIT. Does she fucking for one second know what shes done? I wonder if she’d like to knowmy gf chucked me and told me i couldn’t stay in the spare room for long cause of her other exes (she rescinded chucking me but still, interestibg reaction. At my most painful moment, there was……… That) And now its agsun and agaim and again the phonecallls and appplications and freezing cold, the cold journeys to interviews in plsces ill just want to do drugs in oj godci should kill5nyself, if i leave a nogte blaming this ecscct sjtusdljtiom will tbrt (this was last night and my sedatives were kicking in. Ive been being super positive today but yeah, its hard thinking about I LOST MY FUCKING JOB FOR BEING A MORON but then there were all those weird videocalls asking about my medication, all those comments about slurring my words no matter how much i enunciated my words. Maybe thats cause i wasnt high. Trrrific. How, who, when will i grt another job thid one felt random as hell snd my girlfriend dumped me for it eveem if she took me bsck i i just dont want to be scared snd i domtwany to NOT HAVE A JOB AND BE SCARED. All thanks to Sarbjit. If i FUVLIMG hurt myself it’s CAUSE OF S YOU also me, also you xoes this feel repetitbe and con fusin6? THAT’S HOW MY UNRMPLOYED LIFE IDGOING TO FEEL.