Considering Euthanasia

The first time I attempted suicide, I was only 4 years old. I grew up with abuse and that (along with genetics) led to a long list of crippling mental illnesses, including two personality disorders. After a decade of trying treatment after treatment, I’ve only been able to find help for my OCD. Suicidal ideation has been a constant throughout my near 24 years. I’ve attempted more times than I’ve managed to keep track of, and have been involuntarily committed over and over again.
All that is bad enough, but early 2020, I got sick. It’s been progressive, and after seeing all sorts of specialists and enduring countless tests, I still have no answers. I’ve lost 40lbs that I could not afford to lose and the doctors are telling me that if I don’t get things under control, I will die. I have been misdiagnosed with anorexia nervosa, and cannot get enough medication to keep enough food down to keep myself from losing weight, let alone gain any.
I’ve lost the place I thought of as home, my animals, and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I am isolated and rarely leave the house. I’m too sick to work, it’s not safe for me to drive, and I’m living with my parents again. None of my friends care to see me anymore, even on the occasion that I feel up to doing anything. I feel so alone.
Every day is constant suffering, stress, and loneliness. I am so burnt out. I know things could be worse- things could always be worse- but I’m going to die anyway, why should I have to die a slow and painful death?
I’m very seriously considering euthanizing myself. I have ordered what I need to die a quick and painless death.
I don’t want to die; there’s so much I wanted out of life. And I hate to know my loved ones will suffer because of it, but I know it’ll will hurt them just as much to watch me slowly fade away. I have no hope that I will recover, so I believe this is for the best.