You messaged. I should message back. Why? So you can say hey? So the conversation can stop? I want to message but about what? We have nothing to talk about and i feel like I’m better off shutting up anyway.
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Then tell it, I don’t know what to say…
If you mean talk to him about it, it’s pointless. I have, he knows, he doesn’t care. That’s why it’s titled “emotions aren’t enough”.
I don’t mean he doesn’t care, he does. But when i bring it up he’s all like “we care about each other”.
If you were clear about yourself I mean if you told it before, you don’t need to do anything else. I hope you will not be bothered again.
Emotions are just internal feelings they are our motivation towards life and they determine our attitude towards life. If things go well you live if they don’t go well you die.
yep, i messaged and i dont seem to have been wrong. a few messages and then nothing. youre gaming, i doubt youll message again though. why cant you just admit it? we have nothing to talk about.
its not that i dont want to talk to you. its just that talking to you is empty.
and as for our “friend”, i dont give a fuck about your “do what i want”. shit just doesnt fucking work out sometimes and im done. by forcing me to stay youre only making things worse for me. i dont do shit for anyone with the exception of my brothers under certain circumstances and you…are not my brother.
I ended up not being wrong…. 24hrs and nothing.
I went on the chat again last night. Talked to someone. Somehow i seem to find a nice person 2/2.
But after we were done talking i just watched the messages roll in. Not answer anyone. Not interested in anything. I realized these werent the people i wanted to talk to….. I wanted to talk to you.
Without thinking i sent you a hug. It was a mistake. I shouldnt have. Youre better off without me. Especially after my slip up with my husband. I cant believe i said “i love you”. I have no fucking idea anymore :'(.
But of course i messaged without thinking. I was laying there watching the messages. Thinking about the reason most of them were there. I could have completely destroyed everything. The chance was right there, and i didnt take it.
Maybe i should have….
Im suicidal, whats it matter
i cant win. i want to tell you its over, but i know how much you care. if i dont say anything then it leaves it open for a message….if you ever. besides with my bpd ill probably message again. maybe an open ended “goodbye” is whats best. i dont want to leave you waiting for a message but you know what…nothing is stopping you from messaging me, except that we have nothing to talk about…..idk, if you think of something hmu i guess.
2 “forever guys” and theyre both “useless”. i cant talk to one, have no interest in the same things. and the other is “abusive” but trying to change however just in general annoys me and is a problem.
both sets of parents dont care about me. i dont have any family. aside from my cats, the only 2 that ever gave a shit just wont work out.
how much do i have to be rejected by people/life before i get the hint and just off myself? fuck last night when i was talking to the guy he asked if i had anyone to talk to and i said no….the worse part was i wasnt wrong. sure i have people i can message but no one i can really talk to for 1 reason or another.
i barely told him 1-2% of my story and he said that ive been through a lot for someone thats only 22. have i really? everyone keeps saying so but i cant see it. it wasnt that bad… was it?
even google agrees that i should go…. 🙁