I’ve been sitting here since Thursday. In this same place on the couch I haven’t moved. Smoking cigarettes like they’re going out of style and drinking booze as if it’s my last time (it should be). I screwed up. Bad and I mean bad. My girlfriend moved out due to my alcoholism as well as being controlling. It never occurred to me that I was so controlling until the end, and why? Why would I put down the person that I loved the most down just to have her leave? I’m a monster. Something in my head seemed to break loose and I lost it. I lost control of my emotions and I can’t undo this. We were taking a break and the agreement was to let each other have space until Thanksgiving. I tried, I really did. Yet I’d still call day after day just to hear her voice, to check in, apologize. I was kicking a dead horse to the point where she wasn’t going to come over for Thanksgiving. I had to accept the fact that we needed room. I did not want to ruin this opportunity. Here I am on the laptop and guess who left their Facebook open? Why do I continue to abuse myself when this should be a wake up call? Why am I so God damn sad? How do I move on? I wish that you would’ve waited for Thanksgiving to talk instead of talking to other guys. I know I did you wrong but I just wish that you would’ve waited.
4 comments
The relationship probably is probably being remembered better than it really was, I mean she was talking with other guys.
You know you fucked up and that’s the first step to improvement, next time
You feel like your gonna lash out at someone just remember how you feel now.
I just have one thing to say : Advancement scares people.
It’s gonna be hard to move forward I’ll tell you that but it’s not impossible, you’ll need to accept she’s gonna be part of your past.Make new history
It’s going to hurt, and depending on how much time you spend processing, you should expect it to keep hurting for awhile.
You aren’t a monster, it’s an easy out to devalue yourself, as if you weren’t worthy of love. Sure you are, isn’t everyone? Which isn’t to say you didn’t screw up, because you did. The thing about it is are you going to keep beating yourself up, or are you going to change to fix it?
Only take on the tasks right in front of you, the future has time enough, and the past has already hurt enough.
That’s rough, man.