Im 30, never known my father other than he abused my mom till the day she gave birth to me. I found out hes been in prison since he was 21. Hes 50-something or other…point being i thought i didnt care. How could i? Someone so cruel to physically hurt the mother of their child even after giving birth to said child-thats not man. So why should i care? Recently outta the blue my mom shows me a picture of him for the first time in all my life and now- i dont know how to feel. Its weird, a numb kinda feeling. Like im going on autopilot. Why is it bothering me so much, why did i trouble myself to research him and find out where hes imprisoned? Why do i feel the need to see him even though i know nothing good would come oit of it? I kinda know why deep down but also why? Its been the icing on the cake of the string of dread inducing thoughts of situations. And i just dont need that on top of worrying about being homeless..again. its just really weird. I just needed to spill this out into the void.
Thanks for your time